The Job Keanu Reeves Should Sign On For After John Wick: Chapter 4 - Looper Staff Manifests

As Jane Austen once wrote, it is a truth universally acknowledged that everyone on the planet loves Keanu Reeves. (That might be paraphrased ever so slightly; look it up if you feel so inclined.) Reeves has been a Hollywood fixture for several decades at this point — after breaking out in movies like "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," "Speed," and "Point Break," he scored the lead role of Neo in "The Matrix," and the rest is history.

When Reeves was faced with a string of commercial and critical flops midway through his career, plenty of people probably wrote him off... only for him to enter into an entirely new phase of his career. Enter the "John Wick" franchise, which reunited Reeves with "Matrix" stunt coordinator Chad Stahelski and made him into a massive action star once again. With "John Wick: Chapter 4" out now, the Looper staff got to thinking: what else do we want to see Keanu do? We've seen him in action, certainly, but we've also seen him show off his comedy chops in "Bill & Ted" sequels and his cameo in "Always Be My Maybe," so it seems like anything's possible.

Beyond the projects Reeves already has lined up — including another "John Wick" installment, a franchise spin-off titled "Ballerina," and the long-awaited "Constantine 2" — here's what the Looper staff thinks Reeves should tackle next, from other sequels to entirely new ideas. Here's hoping his agent and manager are taking notes.

I love Nancy Meyers movies, and I'm not ashamed. If "The Intern" is available to watch on a plane, I'm putting it on. "Father of the Bride" was a staple in my house growing up. The first time I watched "Abbott Elementary," I almost passed out when I saw Chessy from "The Parent Trap" show up. You get it. Anyway, there's only one Nancy Meyers movie that's even slightly flawed, and that is 2003's "Something's Gotta Give."

Reeves appeared in this Meyers project alongside Diane Keaton, Jack Nicholson, and Amanda Peet, and right up until the movie comes to a close, everything seems to be going according to plan. Erica (Keaton) is grappling with the fact that her young daughter Marin (Peet) is dating the much-older Harry (Nicholson). After Harry has a heart attack while trying to seduce Marin, Erica meets Julian (Reeves), a hot young doctor who immediately falls for her. I don't need to be clearer that this is the dream. Imagine taking your daughter's crusty old paramour to the ER only to meet Keanu Reeves, who is a doctor and a fan of your work and wants to go out with you. Truly, a perfect fantasy.

And yet! In the end, Erica picks Crusty Harry over Perfect Julian. Unconscionable. Julian is, again, a hot young doctor who adores Erica and takes her to Paris for her birthday. This ending has been a sticking point for Meyers fans for years, to the point where Keaton and Reeves reuniting at the Oscars in 2020 whipped viewers into a frenzy. That's why Keanu should return for a sequel, "Something's Still Gotta Give." Harry is finally dead — good riddance — and Erica gets her head out of her ass and lives happily ever after with Julian. They go back to Le Grand Colbert in Paris and nobody interrupts them this time. C'est parfait.

Hollywood has made great efforts in recent years to produce diverse stories which highlight underrepresented communities. Keanu Reeves said as much in a chat with HuffPost, where he praised the cultural revolution taking place in Hollywood. "It's a really great time in our culture, our society to be more inclusive and to be telling all of these [diverse] stories," the Canadian actor said. Well, it's 2023 and there's very little Canadian representation out there. Sure, we have "Schitt's Creek," but how often do we get genuine Canadian stories about the Great White North? I'll say it: there's too much American content about Americans out there. It's time to switch it up and give Keanu Reeves a true Canadian role because representation matters.

Reeves joined "Toy Story 4" as Duke Caboom, a jaded Canadian stuntman who struggles to perform the daring feats advertised by his commercials. Like all Canadians, Caboom is sad and disappointed with the way his life has gone until the all-American Woody (Tom Hanks) inspires him to save the day. What makes Caboom such a beloved Canadian icon is how he's only able to self-actualize and find his purpose thanks to American interference — just like real life.

Once Reeves is done with all this Babayaga nonsense, he should head over to Disney+ and demand a series on Duke Caboom. And just to be clear, this wouldn't be Duke Caboom the toy. This should be the origin story of the human Duke Caboom that the toy is based on. Caboom is such a fascinating figure that we know so little about it. Is he Québécois? Or does he hail from good ol' Chatham-Kent?

Can Duke Caboom really lead his own series? Yes he Can(ada).

Mr. Reeves — Keanu, if I may — you're probably a big fan of Looper, and you picked the right article to click on. I know you're one of the biggest stars in the world and have your pick of projects to choose from, including some major high-profile franchises. But could I interest you in a low-budget zombie comedy that's sure to sweep the indie market written by a small-time entertainment news writer?

The movie's called "Kill the Dead," and boy, do I have the role for you. It's about a group of four teenage nerds who are initially excited when the zombie apocalypse breaks out because they think they know everything to survive this. Unfortunately, everything they know about zombies from movies and books turns out to be completely ineffective against this horde of the undead, so they have to start from square one. Now no offense, but you're a little too old to play one of the teenagers; however, there's this character of Judah I think you'd be great for.

One of the nerds works at an arcade, and Judah is his very relaxed boss. He gets plenty of one-liners and even some action sequences featuring a samurai sword, allowing you to show off what you learned through the "John Wick" series. But don't just take my word for it; here's what a Black List script reader had to say, "KILL THE DEAD features a promising, high-concept premise, and the consistent, metatextual zombie movie allusions manage to succeed thanks to the author's impressive knowledge of the genre. The project's gore is satisfyingly grotesque and worthy, and the narrative's pace and economy are to be admired."

Anyway, feel free to shoot me a message on Twitter (link in my bio). Let's make dump trucks full of money together.

Keanu Reeves' career runs the gamut from fluffy comedies to romantic dramas to mind-bending science fiction affairs. My first instinct was to suggest that he head back to a genre he's rarely worked in — the romantic comedy. He's leaned heavily on romantic dramas, and he's always been a delight in funny films. But then I thought about this most excellent, most triumphant trilogy. And I realized I wanted more of Bill S. Preston, Esq. (Alex Winter) and Ted Logan (Reeves).

"Bill & Ted Face the Music" left the twosome in a comfortable place, with their friendship and the fate of the world secure. But wouldn't it be fun to have a "Bill & Ted" limited series in which they have to go reality or time hopping once again? Something Reeves could come back and visit every once in awhile between movie shoots? Maybe some of the first two films' still-living actors might make reappearances. I would love to see Reeves at his happy-go-luckiest again.This show could take the time to give the boy's princess wives more to do, and I'm desperate to know how Billie Logan (Brigette Lundy-Paine) and Thea Preston (Samara Weaving) are getting along out there.

In the red corner: Keanu Reeves, looking like a Byronic hero but sounding like a first-year drama student who's one beer away from challenging Gary Oldman to a surf-off. In the blue corner: Nicolas Cage wearing an expensive cloak, hissing and levitating and doing other Nic Cage things.

This isn't your average Tuesday night at the Celebrity Fight Club. It's a chance for redemption that's a long time coming for Mr. Reeves, who's known for his nigh-magical ability to bounce back from every career disasterpiece ... except for one. His only truly un-exorcised acting demon is "Bram Stoker's Dracula" — namely, his stilted, faltering accent as Jonathan Harker.

As Nic Cage fans know, the actor's made the most logical decision of his illogical career by manifesting Dracula in 2023's "Renfield." In a commitment to the undead bit that's only to be expected from a man who's already built his own pyramid tomb, Cage has also expressed interest to explore the role beyond this movie. Reeves could and absolutely should use this opportunity to lay his Harker ghosts to rest by joining Cage for another whirl in the Stokerland.

This would be a win-win scenario for everyone, since the two titans' onscreen talents would likely align extremely well. Cage's offbeat energy is a natural yang to the yin of Reeves' muted "here we go again" action hero presence, and both men carry themselves with a similar "I'm absolutely ready to punch a bear" screen presence (though, granted, the exact circumstances of said bear-punching may vary greatly). At this point, Keanu might even be relaxed enough to do a better job with the accent than he did in the try-hard mode he got stuck in "Bram Stoker's Dracula."

If Reeves and Cage don't feel like taking this route, they could also do a "Face/Off" thing. Or a romantic comedy. Or a "Face/Off" thing as a romantic comedy. I don't care. Just put these guys in movies together, please and thank you.

Sports movies are the best, especially when they revolve around a ragtag group of underdogs who defy the odds. Keanu Reeves brought his talents to a movie of this ilk at the turn of our current millennium when he portrayed a quarterback in "The Replacements," which tells the story of a team of substitute players who replace the first stringers when they go on strike.

It's been 23 years since "The Replacements" was released, so it's highly unlikely that the 58-year-old Reeves would be cast in a footballing role in a possible sequel. However, his character, Shane Falco, could (and should) return to coach the next generation of scrappy underdogs, while remembering the lessons he absorbed from his old head coach, Jimmy McGinty (Gene Hackman), back in the day. Reeves is no longer the babyfaced rookie that he was in the year 2000; he has a beard now, and that represents wisdom. This makes him the perfect choice to play a seasoned coach whose team must overcome struggle on the way to glory in a football comedy.

With "Bill & Ted Face the Music" and the ongoing attempts to bring "Constantine 2" to life, Reeves has shown that he's open to making sequels to his cult hits. "The Replacements" might not be the most celebrated movie in his oeuvre, but it should be. I don't know Keanu Reeves personally, but sometimes I like to pretend that he watches NFL games and longs to coach his favorite teams. If that's the case, playing a coach in a "Replacements" sequel is the best way to realize that ambition... unless he pursues an actual coaching career.

Look, I know that "Star Wars" is kind of a mess right now. "Andor" was amazing, and "The Mandalorian" Season 3 has been solid so far, but everything else of late has been pretty mid. Maybe that's not the kind of franchise crockpot Mr. Reeves is looking to hop into right now, but just give it a minute. Close your eyes. Embrace the "Star Wars" fan within you. Now picture Keanu Reeves with a lightsaber? Eh? Ehhhh?

This is hardly a revolutionary idea. Reeves has been fan-cast as Revan, protagonist of "Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic," for years. He's the preeminent action star of his generation, and there have been numerous rumors in recent years of him joining different secret "Star Wars" projects. It's time to end this era of draught and speculation and give the man a lightsaber already.

The upcoming Disney+ series "The Acolyte" could be a good place to fit Reeves in. The show is set at the end of the High Republic era, about 100 years before the start of the prequel trilogy. It's a time period that's been heavily explored in novels and comic books, but which has yet to make its live-action debut, so there's lots of opportunity for new characters. But is the latest dime-a-dozen "Star Wars" streaming series really the best place to bring out Neo himself? To give John Wick Force powers?

Sooner or later, "Star Wars" is going to return to theaters, and Keanu Reeves is the exact kind of Hollywood superstar you'd want to lead that triumphant comeback tour. Could the rumors of an "Old Republic" film be true? Could we actually get Keanu as Revan? Everybody start crossing your fingers right now.

Let's be real. Reeves may be a man who exudes confidence, poise, and general awesomeness in every role he inhabits. But he's no spring chicken. Neither is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. The exiled king is a respectable 88 years old when the One Ring is destroyed and goes on to live to the ripe old age of 210. As one of the Dúnedain, he's gifted with extraordinarily long life. That's why he's still kicking around during "The Lord of the Rings," fighting battles, leading heroic last stands, running across Rohan, and trekking all over Middle-earth without a second thought.

In other words, Aragorn is a wise old veteran with a young body and an even younger heart. Sound like someone else we know? Oh, and did I mention that Aragorn is a role Reeves canvassed Peter Jackson to play way back in the day? In an interview way back in April of 1999, he officially stated, "I'm petitioning to play Strider. I'd love to work with [Peter Jackson], but I'm not sure if it's going to go ahead. I hope I can."

Obviously, that one fell through, but that doesn't mean Reeves can't reprise the role now. In fact, Warner Bros is specifically looking into potential LOTR spin-offs as I write this, with Peter Jackson apparently willingly waiting in the wings. There is a particularly juicy outline in the appendices of "The Return of the King" for a "Young Aragorn" prequel that traces the hero through his earlier adventures. Considering the unusually high age that a "young" Aragorn would be and the fact that we would watch him grow from a young'un up through solid Númenórean middle age, Reeves is a perfect candidate for the role he historically wanted to play.

Hello hi yes it's a day that ends in 'Y' and I'm here with yet another folk horror PSA. If you haven't already, please dust off your selenite wands and charged moon water, cuz we're about to engage in some light "rantifesting." (Heads up: if you happen to have a lock of Keanu Reeve's hair lying around somewhere, that would be helpful, but please don't attempt to obtain said lock and then blame Looper for your inevitable arrest.) Cool. Let's do this.

I know the internet likes to ask whether or not we're suffering from "(Whatever) Fatigue" as soon as something goes mainstream, but the whole prestige/elevated/folk horror skeptic nonsense is not coming from actual horror fans. As any actual horror fan will tell you, these are all just terms for "good horror" — a thing that has always existed. So, if you're bored of thematically pitch-perfect folk horror movies, maybe you're just bored in general. Get a hobby. For those of you who know better:

Obviously, we cannot allow the extremely socially relevant folk horror revival to be washed away by another inane wave of internet brouhaha, so let's do what we can to cast Keanu Reeves in the upcoming remake of Michael Reeves' "Witchfinder General." Why? Because he's the world's most powerful and most universally beloved and charismatic wizard, and it's going to take someone like Keanu to remind people that this genre isn't a fad. (Like Keanu, it is, in fact, immortal.) It already has a director, but for good measure, let's make sure Mia Goth, Jordan Peele, and Keke Palmer are somehow also involved in this project. I know that's a lot to manifest, but surely, I don't have to tell you all why this remake is so, so important. The world is yet again learning to "other" in increasingly mainstream ways, and if we don't tap into Keanu's own mainstream appeal, this movie won't be anywhere near as loud as it needs to be. Please find a mantra you're comfortable with and continue to manifest this casting for the rest of the lunar cycle. Thank you.