Does Captain America Do Kaiju Poops? One Ridiculous Marvel Theory Says Yes

There are many unspoken implications of superhero movies, such as the fact that going to the restroom in those tight spandex outfits must be a hassle to go through multiple times a day. And someone who must really struggle with that is Steve Rogers, aka Captain America (Chris Evans). A Captain America theory that could change everything stems from a now-deleted Redditor's account positing that Cap is either constantly dipping out during his Marvel Cinematic Universe battles to use the potty or he's just making one massive movement every single day. 

It all relates to a scene from "Captain America: The First Avenger," where Peggy (Hayley Atwell) tells Steve, "Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person." As a result, he can't get drunk, and that impressive metabolism also allowed Captain America to survive being frozen for decades. It also means he must consume roughly four times the amount of food as an average human. It wouldn't be entirely dissimilar to how some Olympic athletes have to consume up to 10,000 calories daily to keep up with physical demands. However, all of the mass from that food has to go somewhere, which must mean Captain America has destroyed at least some of the toilets at Avengers Tower. 

It certainly provides a new way of looking at crucial moments throughout Cap's time in the MCU. As the Redditor jokes, "During the entire battle of New York in The Avengers, Steve probably was clenching his b-hole because he would've had to go really bad, and wouldn't have gotten a chance to." It's a whole new way of thinking about "America's ass."

The idea that Captain America spends an excessive amount of time every day on the toilet may not sit right with some, which is why some people in the Reddit thread have tried to come up with their own theories to explain how Cap doesn't poop all that much. For instance, Redditor u/Vealzy suggests, "Or he just absorbs every single thing from his food and he never poops." However, others are quick to state that would require a tremendous amount of energy, with the mass of the food he's eating needing to go somewhere. In response to that, the super soldier serum could've done all sorts of wild things to Captain America's biology, so perhaps there's some in-universe explanation 

Of course, the answer to how Cap's metabolism deals with these potential toilet troubles could lie with another superhero. With the ability to run at super speed, the Flash also raises some weird body questions, especially concerning how he's able to generate so much energy. In The CW series, "The Flash," Cisco Ramon (Carlos Valdes) creates high-calorie protein bars to help make up the deficit. It's possible something similar could exist within the MCU. After all, if Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) could create an Iron Man suit in a cave, he could probably come up with a tasty treat for Cap. It would provide the caloric intake Steve requires but be low enough in mass to where it wouldn't convert into scary kaiju poops that would make the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) blush. 

Marvel Studios needs to forget exploring the Multiverse and instead focus its energies on providing a definitive answer to Captain America's poops once and for all. It's what the people want.