Concern Over Pattinson And The Batman Is Rapidly Growing

Is Robert Pattinson going... batty?

Fans are taking to social media to voice their concern following the publication of an in-depth piece in GQ entitled, "Robert Pattinson: A Dispatch from Isolation." In it, the actor describes his existence kicking around the London apartment in which he's hunkered down while production on The Batman is paused due to the coronavirus outbreak.

That concern is twofold: for the movie, and for the actor himself. As far as the film goes, it appears that Pattinson isn't exactly following the kind of workout and exercise regimen that one might expect from the star of a highly anticipated superhero movie. He revealed that his trainer left him with a Bosu ball and a weight that have basically been gathering dust in the corner since his quarantine began. "I think if you're working out all the time, you're part of the problem," Pattinson said. "You set a precedent. No one was doing this in the '70s. Even James Dean — he wasn't exactly ripped."

Well, no, but he never played Batman, either. Pattinson said that he called his co-star Zoë Kravitz to see how she was getting along, and that she told him she'd been working out five days a week in isolation to prepare for her role as Selina Kyle/Catwoman. "Literally, I'm barely doing anything," the star said with a sigh — but it's not just his inactivity that has fans raising their eyebrows. Judging by some of the words and actions relayed by GQ's interviewer, isolation has not been terribly kind to Pattinson's psyche.

The star admitted that he has trouble keeping track of time even under normal circumstances, and that he "almost immediately totally lost all sense of time" when he entered lockdown. He described feeling a profound sense of terror even at the thought of going out for a jog, and his worry that The Batman's producers will just kind of forget he's there. It's the article's description of Pattinson's insane culinary endeavors, though, that really has fans scratching their heads.

The star seems a bit obsessed with microwaving pasta, for one thing. "Put it in a bowl and microwave it. That is how to microwave pasta," he said. "And also it really, really isn't a thing. It's really actually quite revolting."

Why... would he want to do that, then? Well, because he's had a great idea for a business. "[What if] pasta really had the same kind of fast-food credentials as burgers and pizzas?" he said. "I was trying to figure out how to capitalize in this area of the market, and I was trying to think: How do you make a pasta which you can hold in your hand?"

That's not super-possible, Robert. That, however, didn't stop him from attempting to whip up a batch of what he calls Piccolini Cuscino (Italian for "Little Pillow") while FaceTiming with the interviewer. The ingredients: penne pasta, Corn Flakes, sauce ("just any sauce"), and an absolute mess of cheese and sugar. All microwaved, of course, and wrapped up in aluminum foil. Wait, you're probably thinking, "He put aluminum foil in the microwave?" Yes, yes he did.What happened, you ask? The microwave pretty much exploded, of course, while Pattinson took cover and giggled.

Look, if you were a rich movie star in isolation while on hiatus from shooting a Batman movie, you might be acting a little weird, too. More than a few denizens of the Twitterverse, though, seem genuinely concerned that the star might have a few bats in the old belfry.

Okay, so the reactions were mostly tongue in cheek. Take the official Twitter account for Fazoli's Pizza, which posted a screen shot in which the interviewer describes Pattinson's kitchen adventures."It was amusing at first, but when we read this part, we almost called the police," the account tweeted. "The world has been through enough in 2020."

User @loverboymedia stole our idea when he tweeted, "New life goal is to direct a Robert Pattinson biopic but it's just based around him trying to make pasta during his already mythic GQ interview." They then followed up with the punchline: "The tension as he layers sugar and cheese will surpass the border crossing in Sicario."

We're of the opinion that Pattinson is simply kind of a goofball, and was just having a little fun, as many of us would be if we were in his situation. In fact, we're falling right in line with the opinion of user @maxtothemax, who had the single best take on the whole weird thing. "What everyone is ignoring about that Robert Pattinson interview," they tweeted, "is that he has 'explode a microwave just to f*** with GQ money."

We're sure the actor is just fine, really. Mr. Pattinson, if you stumble upon this, though, maybe do a pushup from time to time? You've gotta be Batman soon. Also, you boil pasta. It works much better that way, and usually, nothing explodes.

The Batman will fly into theaters on October 1, 2021.