Characters We Hope Aren't In Star Wars 7
With every new trailer, fans get more and more excited at the prospect of their favorite classic Star Wars characters finally returning in The Force Awakens. But nostalgia is a double-edged sword: what if they also decide to bring back some of the most hated characters in Star Wars history? Here are some of the characters we're just praying aren't in The Force Awakens.
Jar Jar Binks
The esteemed senator from Naboo remains the punchline to the least funny joke in film history. It seems inconceivable that J.J. Abrams and company would consider bringing him back, but then again, we thought the same thing after The Phantom Menace and he still showed up in both Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Plus, have you ever wondered what the "J.J." stands for in Abrams' name? Try not to think about it. Fear only leads to the dark side.
Wicket
America's favorite talking alien teddy bear was an instant hit with eight-year-olds when Return of the Jedi came out. Everyone else, though, pretty much hated him—and the rest of the Ewoks—on sight, especially after Wicket cloyingly learned pidgin English from an orphan girl in the relegated-to-TV "special" Ewoks: The Battle for Endor. But since the Ewoks have a proven track record of moving product off toy store shelves, a look-in to see how Wicket and company are doing in The Force Awakens is an all-too-real possibility.
Jaxxon
Introduced by Marvel Comics way back in 1977, the fearsome smuggler Jaxxon resembles nothing so much as a giant, enraged bunny rabbit wearing a spacesuit. Which is because that's exactly what he is. His spaceship is even called the Rabbit's Foot. Rumor has it that Lucasfilm was so disgusted with the character they ordered Marvel to banish him for all eternity. Now that Marvel and Star Wars are both owned by Disney, however, Jaxxon has started to reappear in the comics, and was even referenced in Clone Wars. Can the movies be far behind?
Watto
When George Lucas decided to revive the Star Wars franchise with The Phantom Menace in 1999, some were worried he might tarnish his legacy. Instead, he created a new legacy—one of offending various ethnic groups with embarrassing racial stereotypes. Jar Jar Binks and Nute Gunray were bad enough, but Watto arguably took the cake, sparking cries of anti-Semitism thanks to, among other things, an oversized hooked nose, a vaguely Middle Eastern accent, and a greedy fixation on money. Facepalm.
Ziro And Rotta The Hutt
You can thank Clone Wars for this pair of abominations. Jabba's uncle Ziro the Hutt is a flamboyantly offensive caricature of Truman Capote (no, seriously). Jabba's son Rotta the Huttling, meanwhile, is an obnoxious toddler with the nicknames "Punky Muffin" and "Stinky." Ziro is technically dead in-canon, but just to be safe, it might be best if they simply avoid the Hutts altogether. Sorry, Jabba fans. (Wait...are there Jabba fans?)
Boss Nass
The Phantom Menace's Boss Nass must wake up every day thanking his lucky stars for the existence of Jar Jar Binks, which ensures that Nass is only the second-most hated Gungan in the entire universe. Still, he's tremendously annoying in his own right. Not only is he obnoxious and ugly, he also apparently never heard the old Jedi adage, "say it, don't spray it." For some reason, Boss Nass was an unlockable character in LEGO Star Wars: The Video Game, leading to countless children finally deciding that maybe they do want to go play outside instead after all.
Fode And Beed
The pod race scene in The Phantom Menace had so many things wrong with it that we can't pick just one. Luckily, we don't have to, thanks to two-headed race announcers Fode and Beed. What's more annoying than a hyper alien spewing an endless stream of high-pitched verbal nonsense while you're trying to concentrate on praying for Anakin to crash? Two of them talking over each other in different languages. With luck, we'll never hear either of them ever again.
Joh Yowza
Since they first appeared in Return of the Jedi, Max Rebo and his bandmates Sy Snootles and Droopy McCool have been widely loathed. But when the Special Edition was released in 1997, fans discovered just how great those characters were in comparison to their new, digitally inserted lead singer, Joh Yowza. A fat-faced muppet with a snail for a head, and for some reason very loosely based on rock legend Joe Cocker, Yowza belted out the insipid song "Jedi Rocks." We're calling it now: if Yowza appears in The Force Awakens, we're walking out of the theater—and we won't be alone.