What's Really On Tony's Bucket List From NCIS

Although he's regularly surrounded by death and danger, NCIS' Tony DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly) is a character who doesn't like to dwell on the darker side of life. Whether he's razzing his co-workers or flirting with them (yes, there are some problematic moments), Tony is, in many ways, the team's class clown. That doesn't mean he doesn't have his serious moments, though. During one particular season 9 episode, Tony took some time to stare into the void that is human mortality.

In "Engaged: Part 1," the NCIS team is investigating the crash of a plane that was carrying the bodies of Marines killed in combat overseas. The crash site isn't necessarily any more grisly than the other disaster zones and murder scenes the team has worked. However, for whatever reason, as Tony gazes over the wreckage of the plane, he's sent into a massive existential crisis. Unable to shake the realization that his time on earth is finite, he decides to make a bucket list.

Viewers got a look at Tony's list when McGee (Sean Murray) uses a pair of binoculars to sneak a peek at Tony's computer monitor. Thankfully, CBS saved fans the trouble of having to pause and squint by releasing the list on their website.

We'll be breaking down all the items based on how likely it is that Tony will complete them before he kicks the proverbial bucket. We can start by crossing one off, "Ride a Ferris wheel naked," as Tony admits that he's actually done it already.

Tony isn't exactly known for dreaming within the realm of reality. However, there are quite a few things on his bucket list that are totally doable. For instance, "Visit Bogie's grave" would be easily accomplished, as Humphrey Bogart is buried in Glendale, California (via Find a Grave). Similarly, he has likely already accomplished the goal of "Discuss Paris." The last viewers heard, he was living in the City of Light with Ziva (Cote de Pablo) and their daughter, Tali (Emelia and Layla Golfieri).

Speaking of Ziva, the sweet and enigmatic final item on Tony's bucket list simply reads, "Tell her." Although the identity of the Her isn't explicitly revealed, we can assume that he's referring to Ziva and that the item got checked off when the two finally opened up about their feelings for one another.

Other easy items to knock off include "Watch all Hitchcock films in order of release...," "Create DiNozzo coat of arms," and "Kick McGee's butt at some video game." Items like "Drive a 1965 Aston Martin DB5 like the one in Goldfinger," "Catch a shark," and "The luge" would take some planning, but are also well within the realm of possibility. "Experience a Wonder of the World (besides Gibbs)" would also be as simple as buying a plane ticket. Luckily for Tony, there are many wonders to choose from.

There are two other items on the list — "Let friends get closer" and "Tell Dad it's okay" — that are, in theory, extremely easy. However, their inclusion suggests that these types of intimate gestures are difficult for Tony. Still, we have faith that somewhere along the line, he gathered up the courage to cross them off.

For all the things on Tony's bucket list that are perfectly doable, there are others that are technically possible, but feel very unlikely to happen. It's not that we don't think that Tony is capable of, for instance, "Learn[ing] to play the bass" or "Rid[ing] in a motorcycle ball of death." However, both require a large time commitment that we don't see him taking on, especially now that he's focused on his family.

Similarly, "Master the art of Kung Fu" doesn't seem like it's going to be in the cards for Tony in this life. According to MMA Guru, achieving a black belt in most styles of martial arts takes anywhere from three to six years, and that timeline is for dedicated students. Having a black belt also does not even necessarily denote someone as a "master." If Tony started now, he could likely become quite good at martial arts but it's hard to imagine him mastering the skills.

For logistical reasons, "Try space tourism" (Tony probably won't have the money) and "Give a motivational half-time speech" (unless he starts coaching Tali's little league team) probably won't happen, either. We'd also put "Develop a catch phrase" in that category, as we can't see enough people getting on board with Tony's sense of humor for one of his jokes to catch on.

Far be it from us to question Tony's abilities. After all, even though he presents like a goofball, he is a respected and effective NCIS agent. At the end of the day, though, there are a few things on his list that are simply not going to happen. And yes, that includes "Date a Bond girl and/or Miss Universe."

Tony's desire to "Find Jimmy Hoffa, dammit" is another item that isn't meant to be. The final resting place of the union leader and dabbler in organized crime has remained a famous mystery since his 1975 disappearance outside of Detroit. There are people who have spent their lives and careers trying to locate his body. This includes author Dan Moldea, who in 2019 claimed to have a promising lead to Hoffa's final resting place (via The Detroit News). It remains to be seen if Hoffa's body will ever be conclusively found, but if it is, it won't be by Tony DiNozzo.

Other items we don't see Tony completing are "Discover the meaning of life," "Finish memoir," or "Make cameo in the movie version of memoir." Speaking of movies, he also, unfortunately, missed the boat to "Write letter to Roger Ebert re: his reviews of Full Metal Jacket and Benji the Hunted," as the celebrated film critic passed away in 2013.

And finally, there's no shot in hell that Tony will be able to "Get and pass on Gibbs' recipe for steak." There are some things in this world that Gibbs will protect with his life, and his technique for cooking the perfect steak is probably one of them.