Weird X-Men We Don't Expect To See In The MCU Any Time Soon

Maybe Marvel Studios head honcho Kevin Feige will announce the director, cast, and release date of "Marvel's X-Men" within the next six months. Maybe it'll be closer to within the next eight years. But it'll happen. And once it does, we can more or less count on mutants taking a prominent position in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

If we've learned anything from the MCU thus far, it's that every comics character is potentially a major film and/or TV property. Before the MCU, we generally thought of Iron Man as a B-lister. Then the MCU made him, and Z-listers like Groot, into household names. One of 2020's most talked-about TV shows stars Scarlet Witch and the Vision. Kids know who Mantis — Mantis! — is now. A character's perceived recognizability among mainstream audiences no longer has any bearing on whether they'll "work" in a movie. 

So if Marvel Studios approaches the X-Men the same way, that means just about every mutant you can think of is, at minimum, appearing in a Disney+ miniseries at some point within the next 20 years. But there will inevitably be exceptions. While we patiently await the 2034 release of "Nightcrawler III," let's ponder X-Men and X-Men-adjacent folks from the comics who we don't expect to cross over into the MCU any time soon. Emphasis on "expect," of course — five years ago, an Eternals movie didn't seem too likely either!

Everyone loves Doop, who first made his presence known in writer Peter Milligan and artist Mike Allred's 2001 series, "X-Force." He's got a fabulously convoluted and nonsensical origin. He has super strength, telepathy and a whole host of other superpowers. He speaks an incomprehensible language that everyone inexplicably understands. He's old pals with Wolverine. And beyond all that — well, just look at him. Now that is an X-Man.

Due to his good looks and charm, Doop could become the X-Men's answer to Baby "Grogu" Yoda if Disney plays its cards right. But despite his obvious potential on the merchandise market, putting Doop in a movie could push his visual similarities to Slimer from the "Ghostbusters" franchise closer to the forefront. Now, Slimer is rotten garbage compared to Doop, who has the power to erase Slimer's unnatural existence by merely thinking it so. But Marvel might nevertheless want to avoid any awkward comparisons to another series of sci-fi movies.

The odds of Barnell "Beak" Bohusk making his way into the live-action realm at some point are probably higher than many other characters listed here. He functions as one of the emotional centers of writer Grant Morrison and artist Frank Quitely's acclaimed "New X-Men" series of the early '00s. Beak's wife, Angel Salvadore, has already made the jump to celluloid via Zoë Kravitz's performance in 2011's "X-Men: First Class." While he's hardly a paragon of conventional beauty like other mutants with bird-like attributes, special effects experts might take a look at Barnell's harsh, feathery exterior and think, "Ah ha — here's a challenge."

But between Nightcrawler, Beast, Mystique, and a handful of others, there are better-established X-characters who emphasize the folly of judging a mutant by his feathers (or scales, or blue fur). There are also plenty of other bird-oriented humanoid characters visible in mass media, like Hawkman, Black Canary, and Nite Owl. While Beak certainly stands out amongst that flock, Marvel might decide the possible confusion isn't worth it. 

Jumbo Carnation dies shortly after his introduction in 2003's "New X-Men" #134. But, thanks to certain events that unfold on the island of Krakoa in the 2019 miniseries "House of X" and "Powers of X," Jumbo's back to his old hyper-relevant self in modern X-comics. His mutations include an extra set of arms and a plastic-like quality to his skin, but let's face it — his superpowers are mostly an afterthought. What truly sets Jumbo Carnation apart is his status as the most groundbreaking and influential designer in the history of mutant fashion.

In a cinematic universe where many protagonists wind up being slight variations on the same dude (Tony Stark, Stephen Strange, Scott Lang, etc.), a gent cut from a very different cloth could add some much-needed variety. Sadly, we just can't envision a situation where a team of superheroes in a mainstream blockbuster popcorn movie would have any immediate use for a fashion designer.

Adam-X, also called X-Treme, is one outrageous dude who is totally in your face. In other words, he tries pretty hard to be the coolest person in the room ... maybe a little too hard.

Emerging in the pages of 1993's "X-Force," Adam's powers entail making other people's blood hurt. His genealogy traces back to an ordeal involving Shi'ar scientists conducting wacky experiments with Summers family DNA. If that's not enough, take another look at that picture of him. If the guitar player from Alice In Chains was also a pro skater who unsuccessfully auditioned for Image Comics' 1992 WildC.A.T.S. superhero team, he might look a whole bunch like Adam-X. He is, in short, a lot.

While he shows up with surprisingly regularity in today's comics, he might be a difficult sell for moviegoing audiences. Adam-X is hilarious, but if you approach him without any nostalgic fondness for trends associated with '90s superhero comics, it's hard to understand the joke of his existence. Unfortunately, that would describe most moviegoers.

Maggott has two living slug-like beings growing where his digestive organs should be. Of course, there's more to Maggott than his slugs, Eany and Meany. He has additional mutant powers that are actually useful in adventure and/or combat-type situations, and his origin story is influenced by the real-world history of South Africa. But the other interesting aspects of Maggott tend to get overshadowed, due to the slug-like beings living in his stomach that metaphorically devour all the attention. 

Eany and Meany can live inside or outside Maggott's body. It's astoundingly disgusting, and also extremely memorable. The fact that Marvel thought intestines with personality seemed like a marketable attribute for a mainstream superhero indicates that 1997 was not the publisher's cleverest year.

So yeah, Maggott is weird, gross, and a terrible idea ... and is therefore beloved by a not-insignificant fraction of the X-fanbase. Part of what people like about the X-Men is that they're outcasts, after all. And who's a bigger outcast than Maggott? So hey, maybe we can imagine seeing Eany and Meany as Easter eggs in glass jars on a shelf in Mr. Sinister's lab, or something along those lines. But Marvel would never put Maggott in a movie ... or would they?

One of the most enduring members of Marvel's edgy generation of '90s X-Men, Marrow can grow her bones at will, in whatever shape or size she imagines. She is also noted for her effectiveness as a video game antagonist.

You might say Marrow is something of a female Wolverine: The one-time Morlock and current Krakoan fights with sharp objects and has a serious chip on her shoulder. You might also say that ever since 2017's "Logan" familiarized moviegoing audiences with Laura Kinney, the female clone of Wolverine known as X-23, creative executives might not want to bother bringing Marrow to the silver screen. 

Even beyond "Logan," current X-Men comics feature Laura as a member of the official X-Men squad, with her codename upgraded to "Wolverine." (Don't panic, Logan fans. His codename remains Wolverine as well, and his role has not been diminished.) Point being, if Kevin Feige ever says, "We need a female Wolverine-type character in this movie or television program we're working on," we don't expect them to think of Marrow first.

With good ideas executed by the right creative team, any character can be great. Sadly, Stacy X happened to come along at the turn of the millennium, just in time to be featured in a critically-reviled run on "Uncanny X-Men." Unlike Nightcrawler, Angel, or any of her teammates, she lacks any history in widely-beloved, genre-shaping runs, which help overshadow lesser stories. All fans have of Stacy are their memories of her thoroughly crappy tenure on the squad.     

But that's not the reason why we don't think Stacy and her pheromone-controlling powers will see much MCU screen time. According to her backstory, she works in a brothel before her first superhero gig comes along. This isn't necessarily deal-breaking: The comics version of Mantis also spends a little time in the sex industry. But from what we can tell, the version of Mantis who appears in the MCU might not even know what the word "brothel" means. Moreover, sex work is a small part of Mantis' origin relative to, for example, being the center of a messianic Kree prophecy.

Stacy, in contrast, is more like a normal ex-sex worker. Religious cults from outer space have never taken particular interest in her. So if Stacy X ceases to be a former sex worker in order to fit into the kid-friendly MCU, that takes away a sizable chunk of the individuality that separates her from all the other mutants with mind control-y abilities. Thus, she is rendered essentially superfluous.

In a purely physical sense, Martha Johansson, a.k.a. No-Girl, is a brain floating in a glass case. We don't want to reduce the totality of who she is to her limited material presence: She's teamed up against the forces of evil with Spider-Man, after all. We're not putting her down because she's a tad unconventional. But the fact is, No-Girl's lack of anatomy is at least somewhat germane if we're discussing her potential future in the MCU — a very visual, action-oriented franchise.

During the early phase of Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely's "New X-Men," the team rescues No-Girl from the clutches of the loathsome butchery syndicate known as the U-Men, who sell mutant body parts on the black market. Having persevered through that awful ordeal, she's been in the Xavier School's orbit ever since. No-Girl's a powerful telepath, but so is Professor Xavier, Jean Grey, Emma Frost, all five of the Five-In-One, and plenty of other mutants who have skin, a skeleton, and all that kind of stuff.

Although really, the more we think about it, the more we're second-guessing our decision to include No-Girl here. In a film, she'd be utterly unique compared to any other character from any other superhero franchise. And, as the only X-Man who does not require an actor to play her, she'd save Marvel Studios at least a few million dollars. We're still betting she won't show up, but we might be convinced that this would be a major misstep.

Sometimes, characters with no ostensible hope of clicking in a superhero comic work out superbly. Take Eye-Boy, who has 57 eyes emerging in random locations across his entire body. He appears in the brutally underappreciated 2017 "Generation X" run from writer Christina Strain and artist Amilcar Pinna. Eye-Boy's also a member of the team in the popular 2020 "X-Factor" series from writer Leah Williams and artist David Baldeón. As far as comics go, everything Eye-Boy touches somehow turns to gold.

While he's an unlikely success story in the world of ink and wood pulp, how would Marvel Studios explain his powers to incredulous moviegoers? "How does he get around when his whole body is covered in one of the most vulnerable parts of the human body?" they'll each ask. "Why don't the bad guys just poke him in his ... everywhere?" 

Granted, the MCU is remarkably good at suspending disbelief among massive populations of humanity. But getting the mainstream monoculture to buy into Eye-Boy would be more difficult than, let's say, devoting screen time to Gambit instead. Everybody understands Gambit. He's an irreverent, morally-ambiguous dude who quips and blows things up. Nobody will be confused by Gambit. Everyone will be confused by Eye-Boy.

Glob Herman is the best example of an X-Man we don't expect to see in the MCU, but who we believe clearly should be there. 

The argument for leaving Glob in the funny books is that audiences can clearly see his skeleton and digestive tract through his transparent flesh and muscle tissue. In theory, he could dial down the sheer horror of his appearance by wearing clothes, but he struts around in the nude almost all the time. Ben Grimm and Raphael the ninja turtle both wear oversized trench coats to make the people around them a little more comfortable, and they don't look anywhere nearly as disturbing as Glob. To the small children who Marvel executives rely upon for ticket and merchandise sales, Glob is pure nightmare fuel. 

But in terms of his personality, Glob is not nightmare fuel at all. In fact, he's typically the voice of reason in his friendship with Quentin Quire, a.k.a. Kid Omega. He helps Mojo with his unexpected self-image issues during 2018's "X-Men: Black" #2. Plus, he's not afraid to drop a death threat on somebody's head if they've got it coming! Glob rules!

Put him in all the movies, Kevin Feige. Do it, or we'll never stop tweeting stuff about Glob Herman at you! It'll be really hard for you to hire a social media manager who won't quit after a short period of time, due to our awful behavior!

Back in 2001, when Peter Milligan and Mike Allred's "X-Force" hit the shelves, mainstream music listeners had recently been introduced to Eminem. Hence, the fairly obvious ersatz Eminem known as Phat, whose mutation grants him a huge excess of cellulite he can shift and morph for various offensive and defensive purposes. He felt like a timely and trenchant satire in his era. Today, Eminem's pretty well established as pop music royalty, and a Marshall Mathers parody character would scan like ... well, like an idea that made sense in the early '00s. 

Now, maybe the MCU could drop the satirical aspect of Phat, change him into an honest-to-gosh serious character, and offer Eminem his own superhero franchise. Could the future X-Men branch of the MCU include a new spin on "8 Mile," reimagined as a gritty science fiction spectacular?  Probably not. But hey, if the MCU hires Eminem to play Phat, remember: We predicted it here first.

Sluk's eyeballs pop up over the mop of tentacles that make up the rest of his head. Plenty of bizarre-looking mutants associated with X-teams have developed cult-favorite status over the years. However, Sluk barely appears in the single X-Force mission we see him embark upon before his horrible death in 2001's "X-Force" #116.

Most of the team dies, of course. But unlike Gin Genie, Zeitgeist, and Battering Ram, Sluk doesn't even get any dialogue in before he's reduced to a bloody smear. In fact, Sluk is annihilated before we find out anything about him at all, aside from the fact that his head reminds us of deep sea creatures and H.P. Lovecraft. Does Sluk even have a skull? If not, what protects Sluk's brain? These are the kinds of questions to which we don't have answers.

Could the MCU create a movie version of Sluk and give him a personality and backstory? Sure! But when there are literally hundreds of fully fleshed-out characters the MCU could pull from X-Men comics instead, why bother?

In a possible future, Mr. Sinister creates what he calls "Chimeras" — clones including DNA from up to five pre-existing mutants. We see a few Chimeras in the "Powers of X" miniseries by Jonathan Hickman and R.B. Silva, but the standout of the bunch is Rasputin IV. She's got Colossus' steel skin, Kate Pryde's intangibility, a force field, telepathy, a healing factor, and a totally badass battle blade which may or may not have some connection to Magik's soul-sword. Rasputin IV is totally awesomesauce. 

Too awesomesauce, perhaps, for a movie? It seems likely. Her presence in the MCU would water down Colossus, Kate, and Magik's individuality. Rasputin IV's also from a bonkers alternate universe, and these sorts of things can confuse folks. Now, if Marvel Studios uses Jonathan Hickman's "House of X" and "Powers of X" as source material — which would be a smart move on their part if they aim to distance their version of the X-Men from 20th Century Fox's — then an appearance from Rasputin IV might be in the cards. But we don't expect to see a "House of X" movie any time soon, because frankly, we know we don't deserve it.

It won't surprise us if a character named Xorn shows up in the MCU X-Men films eventually. But we bet an MCU Xorn will share little of his comics counterpart's history. Spoiler alert for "New X-Men:" Nearing the conclusion of Grant Morrison's lauded run, Xorn outs himself as Magneto in disguise. Then, after Morrison left Marvel for DC, Professor Xavier travels to Genosha. There, Magneto is seen living in the former mutant nation, as he was apparently doing throughout the events of "New X-Men." 

According to the comics, Xorn assumed the appearance and identity of Magneto during his attack on New York City at the end of "New X-Men." And later, it turns out there are multiple Xorns? If you're confused, you're not alone. To some, it might look like the publisher retroactively modified Xorn in order to water down the influence of a writer who was no longer with the company. Who knows? The point is, Xorn is confusing, and has also popped up once again in the considerably more recent "Powers of X."    

An all-new, all-different backstory certainly couldn't hurt the man with a sun for a mind. Perhaps the MCU could provide Xorn with a much-needed life story do-over. But as for the OG Xorn ... we don't think we'll be seeing him in the MCU any time soon.