If Batman Were Jedi Or Sith

Picture this: billionaire Bruce Wayne suddenly finds himself in a galaxy far, far away, dropped into the middle of the war between the Empire and the Rebellion. Batman is no stranger to travel, either intergalactic or through time. But where would he fall in the epic struggle between the Light and Dark sides of the Force? As the galaxy's most awesome vigilante hero, he'd definitely take action somewhere...but from which side of the Force would he get his powers?

Batman, hero that he is, already follows the Jedi code of fighting for good and the sanctity of life. If Batman sees someone in danger, he'll save them first and ask questions later, which often lands him in deadly trouble. How many undercover assassins do you really want to save, Bruce? It's this selfless nature that defines both Jedi Knights and Batman, even though Batman has one up on the Jedi by refusing to kill any of his enemies, no matter how evil. Both Jedi and Sith must be prepared to kill the moment they ignite their lightsabers, but Batman would probably make one that just knocked people out.

While Jedi must deny their emotions in order to maintain their focus on the Force and control of their powers, the Sith have learned to embrace and channel all of their emotions, both positive and negative. Batman is fueled by pure rage and regret because of the death of his parents, and he uses fear to maintain a bit of order in the lawless, body-part-strewn streets of Gotham. Batman's use of fear is so fundamental to his nature that he was once given a Sinestro Corps ring, which is like getting a text from the universe informing you that you are one scary weirdo.

Both Batman and Jedi take on young wards to train in evil-fighting techniques, generally on an individual basis, but Jedi have been known to open training temples. The Sith also take on apprentices, but firmly believe in only allowing two Sith Lords to exist at the same time, so you'll never find too many Darths in a room together. Batman, on the other hand, trains all kinds of young, disillusioned kids to fight crime, and also allowed his whole Batman schtick to become an international franchise, which is decidedly un-Sith.

The Sith's influence on the universe isn't limited to Empire politics and trade tariffs. The power of the Darths often attracted attention from common people seeking something to believe in. Because of the nature of Sith-ness, numerous cults worshipping Sith-stuff popped up around the universe. The same can't really be said of the Jedi, but the Batman of the future profiled in the Elseworlds comic I, Joker is the subject of dangerous cult worship. The story presents only a possible future for Batman, but we'll take it as a hint towards his natural Sith-ness.

It's easy to forget, with a Batarang lodged in your femur and a precisely cracked collarbone, that Batman is also one of the world's greatest detectives. He'll usually try to solve a crime with deduction before putting someone in traction, following the ancient Jedi mantra of "There is no ignorance, there is knowledge." A hero can't overpower a bad guy like the Riddler or the Joker without first following their trails of esoteric clues anyhow. A Sith would just lightsaber limbs off of anything that got in their way.

Batman's path to power has some pretty pronounced similarities to the stories of our most well-loved Sith. It begins with a tragedy, followed by a period of relatively light-hearted youth, and eventually plunges into an inescapable darkness, before our subjects learn to turn that darkness into power. Compare the narrative path of Bruce Wayne to Anakin Skywalker or Jacen Solo and you have a pretty solid recipe for a Sith Batman, who would probably get some terrible name from George Lucas like Darth Puncho or Emperor Kickface.

The history of the Sith in the Star Wars Expanded Universe gets really strange. Sith, traditionally, are known for many things: a lust for power, unspeakable cruelty, and of course, left-handedness. This hand usage is so important that the original Sith species, somewhere in their history, have a left-handed god called Typhojem, which is Star Wars' totally original (and not at all a rip-off) of Cthulhu. While midi-chlorians can do crazy things to your kung-fu fighting styles, it's said that Jedi are more ambidextrous—like Batman—while Sith favor their left hands. Don't question the midi-chlorians.

While a Jedi is cool with training through meditation, tranquility, and fending off laser-shooting drones while blindfolded, the Sith find personal growth through embracing conflict and violence. The Sith need to prove themselves in their true path towards attaining the power they truly desire. Batman once hung out in the airless vacuum of space just to see how long he could last without dying, and has smashed through roughly 7,000 criminal warehouse roofs just to start fights. It's pretty clear where Batman falls on this one.

Bruce Wayne's billionaire buttkicker lifestyle doesn't allow for the whole wife and kids thing, and although Batman did father a little rascal, that kid was a weird lab-baby formed against his will. For reasons obvious to every superhero, having loved ones is an enormous weakness when it comes to psychopathic villains. Love is a liability, and it creates innocent victims. Jedi have also historically refused to marry, but mostly to keep their fancy bloodline strong and to avoid distractions. Just look at what happened to Anakin. That guy was a lot cooler before Padme came along. Haha, just kidding! Anakin was never cool.

When a crisis occurs, it behooves all Jedi to fight together and work towards the same goal, and the same goes for the Justice League. Batman, however, generally functions as a rogue among his peers, preferring to keep his fight separate or local, so he can prioritize protecting the hapless and undeserving citizens of Gotham. Batman may pitch in with his gadgetry and fighting prowess when the going gets rough, but he's also the guy who builds stuff to take down all of his pals should the mood strike him. And the most Sith-like quality of all? No one knows if he's actually going to show up for the company picnic.