The Succession Character You Are Based On Your Zodiac Sign

In 2018, "Succession" premiered on HBO, and a nation said to itself, "Hey ... wait a minute."

For generations, Americans had assumed the shot-callers at global media conglomerates were all intelligent, responsible, hard-working folks who absolutely deserved their ludicrously inflated salaries and swanky lifestyles. Until, of course, we gazed upon Waystar Royco's sunsetting megalomaniac CEO Logan Roy (Brian Cox), his deeply-troubled heir apparent Kendall Roy (Jeremy Strong), the endlessly scheming Shiv Roy (Sarah Snook), and the insufferable Roman Roy (Kieran Culkin).

But regardless of our personal opinions of the Roys, their quests to remain in power and out of prison have filled many a Sunday night with suspense and amusement. And since everybody loves internet articles assigning astrological signs to imaginary characters, it was only a matter of time before we arranged the gang from "Succession" upon the zodiac.  

As far as you're concerned, dear reader, the twist here is instead of finding out your birthday aligns with a superhero or beloved comedy character and feeling appropriately good about yourself, you're about to learn what you have in common with the top echelon of Waystar Royco. Fair warning — this information may not exactly boost your ego. Unless, of course, it turns out you're Cousin Greg (Nicholas Braun).

Birthdays falling between March 21 and April 19 link to Aries — a sign that indicates a significant capacity for leadership and innovation. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, after all — it's only natural to immediately associate it with the number one. 

Kendall is not Logan Roy's first born son, he's never been in charge of Waystar Royco, and some folks might argue he's not the most capable or talented Roy sibling — but he definitely thinks of himself in those terms. There's hardly any doubt that Kendall's self-image is extremely an Aries. Speaking to Kendall's tangible life, he's certainly a trailblazer for moving to take the company away from his father in Season 1, when such a gesture was seemingly inconceivable. He's also the first Waystar Royco exec to publicly admit his dad knew all about the history of abuse and negligence on the company's cruise line and simply preferred to keep paying out hush money rather than do anything to stop it.

By calling a press conference to announce as much at the close of Season 2, in some respects, Kendall's also the reason why the premiere of "Succession" Season 3 did such monster ratings. Kendall also broke new ground for the entire human race in the Season 2 episode "Dundee" by serenading his father with a rap song, thereby becoming the whitest man who's ever existed. 

When we think of the sign of Taurus — April 20 to May 20 — we envision naturally occurring excitement for tactile, hands-on labor, and a zest for visceral, sensuous pleasures. That's sort of a problem for this article because those characteristics don't really apply to any major character on "Succession." The Roys and their associates are all obsessed with business, but their careers principally entail negotiating, backroom wheeling and dealing, and corporate crisis management. We hardly ever see any of them producing anything of intrinsic value by themselves. 

And despite substantial bravado to the contrary, most of them don't appear overly interested in sex or food or any of life's physical rewards. Kendall and Shiv both sleep with people but neither with enough enthusiasm for it to qualify as an aspect of their personality. Meanwhile, Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) only likes food when its consumption is a status signifier and semi-legal — deep-friend songbird, for instance. 

So even though she's not on the show enough for us to get a real sense of her personality, we're going to say Tabitha (Caitlin FitzGerald — who's already racked up another HBO credit on "Station Eleven") is the Taurus of "Succession." Why not? Tabitha's encounter with Tom at his bachelor party outing and her frustrating relationship with Roman both indicate that she doesn't hate sex. She probably likes other physical sensations! Perhaps she has a favorite beverage! Who can say? That's close enough, right?  

Perhaps Roman Roy — inhabited by former child star Kieran Culkin – fails to convey attributes associated with the Gemini sign in a way a normal person would recognize. Birthdays falling between May 21 to June 21 have been linked with sociability and an eagerness to communicate with the exterior world. Roman talks a lot, but his loquaciousness usually takes the form of insults and/or pointed comments designed for the purposes of manipulation.   

However, Roman's family connections have enabled him to work in more divisions of Waystar Royco than any of his siblings. Unsuccessful though his ventures may have been, who else among the Roys can say they've helmed a movie studio and overseen the organization and the accidental explosion of a satellite launch?  

Roman checks off the box for intellectual curiosity — a signature Gemini quality. Plus, early summer babies are also said to seek mentorship, and "mentorship" sounds like an appropriately kinky way to describe Roman's relationship with Waystar Royco's general counsel and, as of Season 3, acting CEO, Gerri Kellman (J. Smith-Cameron). 

Just about everybody on "Succession" is or strives to be a cutthroat careerist who'd happily throw their grandmother under a truck for a promotion. Tom Wambsgans is just such a careerist, but he will make exceptions for his near and dear. Hence, we're linking Tom to the sign of Cancer — June 22 to July 22 — known for a respect for abstract concepts like "home" and "loyalty." 

Not long after marrying Shiv in Season 1, Tom discovers open relationships aren't really his thing. The clash of lifestyle preferences leads to the domestic unhappiness Tom expresses at the close of Season 2. We're only a few episodes into Season 3 as of this writing, but as far as we currently know, Tom is not pursuing a divorce. 

Granted, Tom's certainly worried about the dire and inevitable professional consequences of dumping a Roy. However, since his Shiv-related angst can be misdirected into a bizarre public meltdown — specifically, the pelting of Cousin Greg with water bottles in the Season 2 episode "Safe Room" — we can presume there is some genuine attachment and affection there.    

And let's not gloss over the fact despite all the surface-level abuse and blackmail, Tom's friendship with Cousin Greg is, perhaps, the most wholesome element in all of "Succession." They're like Bert and Ernie, if Bert and Ernie were directly involved in covering up a horrifying high-level corporate scandal.

Played by the refreshingly, brutally candid Brian Cox, Logan Roy is surrounded by yes men and flunkies whenever he appears in public. He might never admit it, but he's obviously most comfortable when he's the center of attention. According to some astrologers, that means he has something in common with folks whose birthdays fall between July 23 and August 22.

Logan's children are only noteworthy media figures due to their status as Logan Roy's offspring, meaning the attention they get is essentially vicarious, re-appropriated Logan Roy attention. The Royco founder and CEO's unwillingness to surrender his aura of importance by passing his company over to the next generation, despite his ailing health, is what prompts the course of events depicted in "Succession." 

Basically, Logan Roy's narcissism is the foundation for everything else that happens in this show. That's some pretty intense Leo energy, for sure. If you happen to be a late July or August baby yourself, don't worry — you're not necessarily anything like Logan Roy. In fact, Leos in the real world use their charisma and magnetism for good, instead of evil, on a fairly routine basis.

We grant former Pierce Media CEO Rhea Jarrell (Holly Hunter) the designation of the unofficial Virgo of "Succession." Not everybody's going to agree, but we think we can support this decision. 

Individuals whose lives begin between August 23 and September 22 may exhibit a reverence for precision and attention to detail. Frankly, a person could never come close to maneuvering the CEO position at Waystar Royco away from the Roy family without a tremendous capacity for methodological thinking. And before Rhea set her sights on the top spot at Waystar Royco, she nearly brokered a deal that would've sold Peirce Media to Logan Roy — the equivalent of Fox News purchasing stewardship of The New York Times in the real world. 

Of course, everyone on "Succession" attempts to manipulate the bejesus out of each other constantly, but unlike the Roy kids, Rhea doesn't have any pre-existing emotional or financial leverage over most of the folks she tries to screw over. We know the Roys work really hard at manipulating people, but we don't know if any of them are actually good at it. Rhea, on the other hand, always sees all the angles, and finds the right strings to pull. 

On his own, "Cousin" Greg Hirsch is kind of worthless. That makes him an example of an extremely dysfunctional Libra archetype. 

Between September 23 and October 23, more Libras arrive on the planet. According to certain astrologists, these individuals have a predisposition for forming strong interpersonal relationships. They make efficacious romantic partners or friends — or in the case of Cousin Greg, co-workers and co-conspirators. 

Before Cousin Greg met Tom Wambsgans — ATN's chairman of global broadcast news — he essentially had no career. Cousin Greg's most noteworthy professional moment consisted of vomiting out the eyeholes of the cartoon dog he was impersonating for the purpose of entertaining children at a theme park. By "Succession" Season 3, Cousin Greg is playing three sides of a cataclysmic corporate scandal — namely, Kendall Roy's upstart faction, the Logan Roy loyalists, and Cousin Greg's own, self-interested side. He clearly owes his professional development — as well as advanced capacity for evil — to the guidance of his good pal and horrible boss, Tom. 

Likewise, while not every aspect of Tom's life has prospered, his semi-secret alliance and companionship with Cousin Greg has remained a valuable source of insight and, perhaps, emotional support. Cousin Greg is an utterly helpless, slug of a human being on his own, but he thrives while operating as, essentially, an accessory to someone else. Maybe Cousin Greg's not a good version of a Libra, but darn it, he's our Libra.

Out of everyone in Logan Roy's orbit, his third wife, Marcia — played by Hiam Abbass of "Blade Runner 2049" fame — has arguably gotten the most out of her position without going too far out of her way. (As far as we know at this point in the series, anyway).

Astrologists will tell you that Scorpios — that's October 24 to November 21 — show an advanced curiosity about other people. They like to figure out what makes folks tick, in other words. That describes almost everybody on "Succession" — manipulation is the wind spinning the program's turbines. But if we must pick a manipulator, let's go with Marcia, who makes exploiting relationships look casual and effortless.    

In Season 1, she nearly gains a controlling interest in the corporation via Logan's inability to meaningfully step away. In Season 3, Marcia blackmails the living snot out of Logan in exchange for an agreement not to divorce him until the cruise line scandal runs its course. Here, we have someone who's garnered a gargantuan amount of wealth and influence and makes it all appear as though it's a matter of timing and luck — just like a master manipulator would do.  

As is the case for the Taurus sign, it's difficult to find somebody from "Succession" who comfortably fits the Sagittarius criteria. According to astrological lore, folks who start existing between November 22 and December 21 are known for their truth-seeking and truth-telling tendencies. And there aren't a ton of truth junkies at Waystar Royco. 

Though he's not a series regular, Ewan Roy — portrayed by Emmy winner James Cromwell — has been known to call his little brother out on being a literal supervillain every now and again. Ergo, Ewan's our pick to rep the ninth sign of the zodiac.  

According to a piece in The Guardian, Cromwell had a significant hand in creating of Ewan Roy. The veteran character actor worried the audience would misinterpret a worst-case scenario omega capitalist like Logan Roy as an aspirational figure, much in the way some fans of "The Sopranos" idolize Tony Soprano or "Rick & Morty" fans think of Rick Sanchez as a figure they should strive to emulate. Instead of an elder sibling who envies Logan's superior wealth, as Ewan was originally written, Cromwell suggested that Ewan despise his brother because Logan is a terrible person. The writers agreed to change Ewan to suit Cromwell's wishes — which was a good call, we think. 

As his brief stint in jail for political protest would suggest, James Cromwell sticks by his beliefs – so he would likely decline to inhabit the morally shaky early version of Ewan.

What makes Gerri Kellman the Capricorn of "Succession?" Well, In theory, Capricorns — December 22 to January 19 — are responsible, independent, practical, and reliable. Basically, this is the astrological alignment of well-adjusted folks who can be counted on to come through with whatever the task at hand happens to be. 

The Roys all have plenty of money, so they're pretty good at convincing other people they've got their act together, but anyone who watches the show knows they're not actually a stable or dependable bunch. At least Gerri has yet to find herself at on the receiving end of any serious catastrophes. 

For example, when it came time to testify before Congress about who knew what about Waystar Royco's cruise line and its history criminal negligence and sexual harassment, who managed to field questions without looking guilty or making any statements that could make them look bad down the line? Logan and Tom perjured themselves, and Kendall's ill-advised defense of his dad became late-night TV joke fodder. So basically, it was just Gerri.  

When Logan has to name a interim CEO to keep an eye on things until he knows he's definitely not going to jail, of course, he picks Gerri. When Roman needs someone with whom he can fulfill his unconventional sexual proclivities, of course, he goes to Gerri, who he can count on to only humiliate him in a manner he enjoys — as in, not in public. 

Portrayed by Australian Sarah Snook, Siobhan "Shiv" Roy is clearly the progressive face of Waystar Royco — even though she uses her feminist bona fides to do stuff like silence sexual abuse allegations and further her father's world-domination aspirations. Meanwhile, Aquarians — those who emerge between January 20 and February 18 — have a rep for intellectual chops, hiding their true natures, and their forward-thinking worldviews. Seems like a good match, no?  

Shiv might be questionable as far as her overall value as a human being, but she's also demonstrably more capable than her brothers. Roman has no business competency, and Kendall's personal life is rife with addiction and hushed-up felonies. Shiv's biggest "real" problem is her marriage to Tom, and the source of conflict is she has more fun than he does, so ... really, isn't the marriage more like Tom's problem?   

Aquarius also happens to be among the signs affiliated with the element of air. So, according to that mode of thinking, Aquarians have an easier time than most shifting to fill whatever shape circumstances place them in. Shiv's air-like attributes help explain how she manages to work on the presidential campaign of Gil Eavis (Eric Bogosian) — coded as the "Succession" universe's answer to progressive Vermont senator Bernie Sanders — then go right back to working for Waystar Royco, with its obvious similarities to the real world's Fox News right-wing media empire.

Rumor has it that babies who land under Pisces – the final sign of the zodiac — come into the world between February 19 and March 20 with a powerful predisposition for eclecticism. And who's more eclectic than Connor Roy — the guy who gives sourdough bread as a birthday gift, embarks upon wildly misguided presidential campaigns, and purchases the dried reproductive organ of Napoléon Bonaparte off the black market? Nobody, that's who! At least, nobody who appears on the television show "Succession." 

While Connor leads a multifaceted life, that's nothing compared to the career of actor Alan Ruck, whose resume contains multitudes. It may shock faithful "Succession" viewers to learn that the occasionally delusional, least assertive offspring of Logan Roy is presented to us by the same actor who embodied Cameron Frye in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Any actor who's worked steadily in films and TV since the mid-'80s has certainly pretended to do stranger things than run for president ... although, we're guessing Connor marks Ruck's first time pretending to buy a historic dictator's private parts.