Ranking Keanu Reeves' Characters From Least To Most Lethal

Zen buttkicking may be a fictitious fighting style, but there isn't a human in the cosmos who could argue against Keanu Reeves being its master. The actor (known in the Hawaiian tongue as "Cool-Breeze-Over-The-Mountains") is wildly adept at dismantling his opponents while keeping his heart's beat-per-minute rate well below that of your typical human. He is an enigma; a force of nature, in that he can help you achieve inner peace or take out an army of lethal assassins.

Keanu straddles the line between action juggernaut and depressed alcoholic with an amazingly balanced resume that ranges from lovable stoners to inter-dimensional gods. Time has tested him, the cinema gods have spoken, and the masses have unanimously agreed: Keanu is here to stay. 

With this in mind, here are some of the most memorable Keanu characters, ranked by who would come out on top if you piled them all into a steel-cage match. Who would be the last Keanu standing? Strap in and enjoy this entirely fictional ranking of Keanu Reeves characters, based on their lethality.

Violence is a skill that needs to be honed. It has no place for concepts such as love or rock-n-roll. The least lethal of Keanu's characters cares not for inflicting bodily harm. His name is Ted Logan, and he's a simple man who exists only for snacks and harmonious guitar riffs. 

Keanu had pinged around Hollywood for half a decade before landing this starring role in 1989's "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure." The movie was a surprise hit, and years of fan endearment has solidified its place as a cult classic — required viewing for any Keanu Reeves fan.

The most aggression you will see out of Ted is the smashing of an electric guitar mid-concert (even then, he'd feel really bad about it). Fighting is a concept Ted knows nothing about, unless it involves the battlefield of love. On the scale of lethality, Ted is absolute zero: 100% docile and harmless. If he were to find himself in a fight, he wouldn't even retaliate. Instead, he would absorb a flurry of punches while begging you to chill out. Even after you beat Ted senseless, he would still give you a hug and go grab a snack at the Circle K.

Reaching through time is a superpower that would make any would-be soldier salivate. This power was bestowed upon a Keanu creation in 2006, even if he primarily wasted it on sending gushy love letters to two-years-in-the-future Sandra Bullock.

Alex Wyler possesses all the lethality of a man willing to protect those he loves. He could defend his homestead, but would probably need a rifle and the element of surprise. Most of his life has been spent in an office building designing lake houses and skyscrapers. Fighting has never been a necessary skill for Alex. His primary power that would make him a decent adversary is as ability to defy death by knowing when the future will bring it to him. Well, that and the danger he could steal your girl. 

Should you defeat this romantic warrior, it is crucial that you DO NOT let Sandra Bullock write him a future letter warning him about your victory. Or else you will see Keanu materialize from the ether with a rifle, making sure the battle resumes with a different result.

The one person best capable of embodying all the complexities of Keanu Reeves is ... Keanu Reeves. He did just that in the 2019 romantic comedy "Always Be My Maybe," as romantic competition for Randall Park. This Keanu possesses a plethora of lethal skills amassed over decades of action stardom. He has spent countless hours studying martial arts and maneuvering through S.W.A.T. obstacle courses. These abilities make him a dangerous man, yet he lacks the killer instinct of his other more lethal characters. His only aspiration is to force those around him to take a hard look in the mirror. And, once again, to steal your girl.

This Keanu Reeves caricature possesses a lethality confined to beratement of your psyche, filling you with a desire to inflict harm on yourself and others in the name of inner peace. Should you not properly prepare for engagement with his third eye (e.g. aligning your chakras or swimming with dolphins), you will find yourself hopelessly outmatched. His insufferable knowledge of Chinese dignitaries and cocktail chemistry will erode your will to live. These skills make him dangerous, but only to those with a weak ego. You can easily defeat this version of Keanu Reeves by meditating, ignoring him, or tricking him into complacency by getting him to tell you anecdotes about the filming of "Feeling Minnesota."

It takes a physically robust man to endure high-speed impacts from enraged linebackers. A typical human body would crumble under the pressure of supporting an entire team, but Shane Falco is as tough as nails. 

In 2000's "The Replacements", Keanu plays a has-been quarterback hired to fill in as a starter while the league's star players go on strike. He had been a champion at the position in college until a disastrous bowl game led to his immediate retirement. Since the debacle, he has found peace living on a dinghy in a Washington D.C. harbor and cleaning barnacles off yachts.

Years of athletic conditioning has left Shane with a rugged physique unmatched by other Keanu characters. His lethality exists in his endurance. No matter what type of punishment you throw at the man, he will pop right back up and push forward. His will to win trumps any amount of physical pain you could throw at him. The only reason he isn't ranked higher is because his skills don't extend much beyond that. Sure, if a football is handy, Shane could pick it up and nail you in the face with it, but he isn't really looking for ways to hurt anyone. He only has his sights trained on the next play.

Long before there were Snapchat filters that could swap your face with cartoon animals, there was the rotoscope animating of the 2006 Richard Linklater/Phillip K. Dick mind-messer "A Scanner Darkly." The technique involved wasn't entirely revolutionary, but Linklater used it to great effect in a handful of films, and it hadn't been implemented on such a grand scale before. The psychedelic journey of "Scanner" took this Keanu character through a dystopian pharmaceutical hellscape centered on his undercover agent who was part of the 20% of the population hooked on a powerful hallucinogenic known as Substance D. Bob has all the makings of a dangerous, unpredictable individual combined with unique law enforcement training.

Bob Arctor has a decent amount of lethality wrapped up in his rapidly-melting brain. If only he could remember what he was doing. There are hints of rage, lots of unpredictability, and at any moment you could trigger a painful memory that unleashes the beast within. Fortunately, these outbursts usually fade from his frontal cortex as Substance D pulls a veil over his inhibitions. Should you antagonize Bob, you may be subject to a few wild punches but he will quickly forget what he was mad about, apologize, and then ask if you want to go get milkshakes.

The Lord of Hell isn't known for his loving disposition. One of the creatures in this realm of existence he loves to hate is Kevin Lomax: a demigod offspring with limitless potential for destruction. The only damper on Kevin's lethal abilities is his upbringing. He was raised with us puny humans rather than having his demonic aura cultivated amongst his evil brethren. The most Lucifer can do to influence Kevin is nudge him in the direction of evil by slowly tormenting his loved ones. A fatal mistake in the end, because this Floridian lawyer is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to win.

This Keanu character from 1997's Al Pacino teaming "The Devil's Advocate" is lethal in his own right, but only to certain entities. Kevin's dad (also known as The Devil) discovers he is powerless against the mechanisms of free will. It is a weakness Kevin chooses to exploit. Rather than succumbing to the allure of limitless cosmic power by birthing the antichrist, he chooses option B: victory. At the 11th hour, he sends a bullet through his skull just to ensure Satan receives a loss. Anyone who can defeat such powerful demonic schemes is a decent amount of lethal. He is lower on this list, however, because he is really only a danger to himself.

The early days of the internet granted this 1995 cyberpunk journey a certain amount of mystique. "Johnny Mnemonic" featured Keanu as a data courier in the far-away year of 2021, using a neural data drive in his brain to secretly transport a whopping 320 gigabytes (these days: $19.99 on Amazon) between corporations. The only cost of having this capability is your childhood memories and the elevated possibility of NAS (nerve attenuation syndrome): a degenerative effect infecting the world, resulting from our overdependence on technology. Sure, the movie's plot feels a little 8-Bit now, but what you can't deny is that Johnny can easily defend himself against attacks.

One of the most mysterious of all Keanu characters, Johnny Mnemonic possesses an undisclosed amount of knowledge on how best to disarm and maim you. While many of us may be hindered by childhood trauma or endearing teenage experiences that would cause us to pull punches, Johnny's brain is instead filled with techniques needed to fulfill his mission. This data courier's lethal nature exists primarily in the realm of self-defense and retaliation. Johnny is harmless, as long as you don't give chase. Should you ignore this advice, it would be wise to have your affairs in order, because no amount of corporate finance or political power can prepare you for the waves of public rage he will unleash on you and your kind.

The big blue sea is filled with all sorts of unknown predators. Any risk of bodily harm is of no concern to Johnny Utah though, because he "is an F-B-I agent!" Alongside the mystical Patrick Swayze, Keanu starred in 1991's "Point Break," an undercover crime tale from the golden age of surfing and general radness. He plays a federal agent operating on a co-worker's hunch that a series of bank robberies is being committed by a group of California surfers. Utah fearlessly ventures into the world of extreme sports in the name of justice.

The ex-quarterback known as Johnny Utah is a lethal combination of naive and ambitious. His FBI training has packed him full of combat techniques unknown to the simple thugs wandering the beach boardwalk. Starting a fight with Utah is not advised, as his athletic background has given him the ability to take a hit and his fists were trained by the best our country has to offer. The only way to disarm this relentless adversary is to show him just how righteous life can be — or force him to lock eyes with the steel blue irises of a beloved companion and friend.

Pop quiz, hotshot! You've enraged a hyper-masculine S.W.A.T. officer by endangering the general public. What do you do? What do you do?!?

Well, you can start by forcing his bus to go slower than 50 miles per hours, which would blow the guy up. But Jack Traven showed himself to be nothing if not resilient in 1994's "Speed", as Keanu played a character with such simmering intensity that he would make Sandra Bullock swoon for their first time. When a madman (Dennis Hopper) straps a load of C4 to a city bus, the only person who can stop him is our boy Jack. He will demolish highway barricades, dismantle construction cranes, and level commercial airliners just to ensure the bad guy receives a loss on his record.

The ingenuity — along with overwhelming bravado — of this character places him in the top section of lethal Keanu characters. You can devise your plans as meticulously as you'd like (and Dennis Hopper certainly did), but they will crumble before this officer's wit and disregard for the personal safety of any civilians along for the ride. Even if you do manage to sneak one past him, you had better travel to the opposite side of the globe, because you can bet your pension he will hunt you down. Jack Traven will only rest when everyone he loves is safe and all threats have been knocked down a few inches.

In 2008, after a slow dance through romance territory, Keanu decided to shift directions. The result was Tom Ludlow, an alcoholic detective operating under an unethical sense of justice in David Ayers' "Street Kings." At the heart of his actions is some righteousness, but his road to redemption is riddled with corpses. Tom may rescue two teenage girls who were abducted by street thugs but he will kill four defenseless adversaries to make it happen — and sprinkle them with incriminating evidence afterwards. His reputation for success has granted him powerful friends in dark places.

Detective Ludlow is among the most dangerous of all Keanu characters. He has the ability to take countless bullets. He can march into the most dangerous parts of town and gang leaders will lock their doors. Should you find yourself with the upper hand on Tom, we advise you to double tap the man and check for a pulse afterwards. A lack of verification may result in your own demise. Tom will stand back up, wince slightly at the bullets pinging around his insides, and then plow your head through a cement pillar. After he takes a swig of vodka, he'll remember that he was supposed to ask you some questions about whose butt he should kick next. Then he'll go after your family.

There isn't much you can do against a man who has literally lived through hell. John Constantine has ventured into the fiery pits of oblivion and returned sans fear. The righteous drip was embodied fully by Keanu in 2005's "Constantine," the only comic adaptation he has ever done, even if he is hungry for others. This exorcist is deadly and cloaked in a sarcastic cynicism that would enrage the gentlest of souls. The machinations of heaven and hell are powerless against the human indifference of our favorite demonslayer. John has unique combat knowledge unmatched by other Keanu characters — and he also has Shia LaBeouf as backup, which has to count for something.

John's tattoos possess the ability to rip his adversaries from the shadows and force them into the light. Angels cower at his might, fearing the risk of falling to Earth to wither amongst us mortals. Demons foolishly engage Constantine and find themselves scattered amongst the city streets in a puddle of insect guts. You may think you have trained enough to face this powerful exorcist, but your training means nothing against magical spells and dragon's breath. Your mortal brain cannot comprehend his power. John has changed God's mind, outsmarted The Devil, killed a demon prince, and robbed an archangel of eternity. John Constantine welcomes death; the only reason he fights for his life is because he feels a need to kill more demons.

Hiding in the shadowy recesses of society is a massive conglomerate of elite criminals who would kill your children for a gold coin. These ruthless individuals quiver with fear, however, at the thought of Baba Yaga — the man known as John Wick. 

Slap million dollar incentives over his head and you will bear witness to a flood of corpses, as any attempt against the life of this highly-trained master assassin are inevitably met with failure. A battleground of your choosing and the element of surprise will do absolutely nothing to ensure your victory, because he is an expert tactician with a focus unmatched by most Navy Seals. Of all Keanu characters, John may not be the most lethal, but he is certainly the one you would least like to see on the opposite side of the ring.

Wick is so lethal that he has become a source of mythical lore for Russian crime lords. Point at any object in the room with you right now, and John can kill you with it, while feeling nothing as he does. Puppy kickers best beware, because no mafiosos, bodyguards, or million dollar contracts can stop you from receiving a bullet through your eyeball or a pencil through your larynx. Enemies of Wick: do not let your ego fool you. You do not have the upper hand. You are exactly where he wants you to be. You are already dead.

The level of lethal wrapped up in the midnight-duster donning champion of our reality is difficult for some to comprehend. In order to fully grasp Neo's power you must first ponder the very nature of existence. 

Arguably the most popular of all Keanu warriors, Neo's "Matrix" adventures have blown minds for multiple decades. Years of combat training mean little against a man who just had centuries of martial arts and weapon expertise uploaded into his gray matter. While timid superheroes may try to fly away in an attempt to escape Neo's might, they would only be confronted by a mid-air collision with his fist.

Unleash an entire military arsenal on Neo and prepare to cry, as immense helplessness seeps into your frail ego. Your reality will crumble before you, bullets will freeze midair, and the man in front of you will appear behind you. Neo will then whisper eye-widening truths into your ear, unraveling your very psyche. As your past reality dances across your retinas, he will plunge his hand through your sternum, spilling your code into The Great Beyond. No amount of defense classes can prepare you for Neo's attacks. It doesn't matter how much jiu-jitsu training you have done, bro. Because he knows kung-fu.

A controversial pick, only because this 2008 remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic was essentially forgotten the day it opened in theaters to underwhelming reviews and tepid box-office. But make no mistake: Keanu was an unstoppable force in the film.

If Neo were to align with the sentient machine race, their combined efforts still wouldn't be enough against Klaatu, or even just his robot companion, Gort. Klaatu is an alien sent to establish diplomatic relations with humanity and is the most lethal of all Keanu Reeves characters. This extraterrestrial possesses powers so advanced that they border on magic. Tanks and nuclear missiles all turn to dust with a wave of his hand. Our only salvation is his willingness to give humans the benefit of the doubt.

Klaatu caused all of humanity's hearts to skip a beat by his mere arrival in a high speed collision course for Earth that ended in a gentle landing in Central Park. Klaatu's mind is but a visitor in this frail body you see before you; a courtesy he has extended to our primitive sensibilities. He possesses knowledge of the infinite beyond and thus views the billions on Earth as expendable. All it takes is his inaction for a cloud of matter gobbling nanobots to sweep across the globe and turn all of humanity's grand achievements into stardust. Don't be fooled into thinking you can stop the destruction by decommissioning Klaatu's current form. His regenerative abilities are extensive, and his consciousness untethered. The entirety of human existence will be wiped from this planet, should we convince ourselves any Keanu character is more lethal.