The SNL Sketch You Are Based On Your Zodiac Sign

The NBC sketch comedy institution "Saturday Night Live" has been on the air continuously since 1975. It has aired over 900 episodes, and at an average of nine sketches or so per episode, that makes upwards of 8,100 sketches written and performed across the show's still-thriving lifetime. There are all-time classics that were plugged into the zeitgeist, political sketches that perhaps changed the course of history, and any number of funny songs sung by charming doofuses. But which of those sketches best describes you? With so many options, it could be impossible to tell.

That's where your zodiac sign comes in handy. Each of the twelve signs has its own strengths, its own limitations, its own unique magic — not unlike a series of disparate sketches thrown together into a single 90-minute comedy show every week. Let the stars guide you to the "SNL" sketch that you are based on your zodiac sign.

You are an Aries. You love a good competition, a good fight, a good anything that shows off your skills and puts you on top. You dive head-first into any situation, no matter the consequences, like the ram you are. That brazenness can be very attractive and draws people to your side, even when that's not always the best idea.

That spirit of reckless competition is abundant in the classic "SNL" sketch "Chippendales Audition" from 1990. A trio of judges holding auditions for a new male exotic dancer at Chippendales has come down to the final two candidates: Adrian, played by People certified hunk Patrick Swayze, and Barney, played by new cast member Chris Farley. The audition comes down to a dance-off between the two, to the tune of Loverboy's "Workin' for the Weekend." This was only Farley's fourth episode on the show, but already he knew how to combine his natural sweetness and go-for-broke physicality. As good as Farley is, Swayze holds his own comedically as Adrian grows visibly panicked that he might lose this audition. 

Entertainment Weekly has noted that the sketch has been called out for being fatphobic, while Bob Odenkirk wrote that he felt the sketch fed Farley's worst impulses as a comedian. However, there's nevertheless a great feeling watching Farley and Swayze go head to head in sexiness, and have Farley come out on top (even if he does lose the audition). Classic Aries energy.

A Taurus like you enjoys the finer things, such as relaxing vacations, calm environs, and a well-prepared meal. You are a sensual creature, and you take pleasure in those things that ignite the senses. Who among us wouldn't love to wind down after a long day by tuning into our local NPR station and listening to our favorite nighttime cooking show get up close and personal with some holiday balls?

"Delicious Dish" was already a recurring sketch, with Molly Shannon and Ana Gasteyer lampooning the stereotypically dorky, ASMR-like vocals of public radio hosts before Alec Baldwin lent his own breathy baritone to this holiday-themed installment in 1998. As local baker Pete Schweddy, Baldwin brings some samples of his holiday balls for the hosts to try (what the balls are actually made from remains a mystery). The audience is in giggle fits almost immediately from the actors' repeated use of the word "balls." "They're made from a secret Schweddy family recipe," Baldwin says, with just a brief pause for the audience to catch up before he lands the punchline: "No one can resist my Schweddy balls." 

The sketch has become a perennial favorite and a fixture of the annual "SNL" Christmas episodes. Still, even if it weren't, its soothing tones and culinary conversation (they're talking about food, you guys!) would make it a Tauran classic.

Is a Gemini two-faced, or just multitasking? A case could be made either way (typical Gemini). If you are a Gemini, you are used to running in many directions at once and used to the emotional whiplash that can sometimes cause in others. Is it your fault that you've lived a full life? Is it your fault when the people around you, even your loved ones, can't understand that about you?

Bride Cecily Strong has at least one loved one who understands her in this 2022 sketch: Her maid of honor, played by Zoe Kravitz, whose loving wedding reception speech has the unintended effect of shocking Strong's new husband (Kyle Mooney). "This girl is like a sister to me," she begins, "and not just because we've both seen my dad naked." It gets worse from there, as every new detail paints an increasingly dark picture of Strong's blushing bride. She was formerly married to incarcerated Death Row Records founder Suge Knight, she stormed the Capitol building on January 6, 2021 with the intent to kill Mike Pence, and she hooked up with the entire cast of "Jackass." 

Kravitz delivers each new horror with heartfelt sincerity; Strong glows while the blood drains from Mooney's face before he finally realizes, "I'm going to die."

Cancers seem to have it all. Sure, perhaps they are a little tough to get to know at first. Like their symbol, the crab, Cancers have a hard exterior to protect themselves from danger. Once you get past all that, Cancers are charming and ingratiating. They make great hosts and care about the people close to them. But what happens when that care curdles into control and manipulation?

That question is at the heart of any number of Lifetime television movies, as well as the 2011 sketch "What's Wrong with Tanya?!" Introduced as the Lifetime Network's first game show, host Bill Hader welcomes three well-heeled suburban moms (Vanessa Bayer, Kristen Wiig, host Anna Faris) to guess what alarmist social issue is affecting their teenage daughter Tanya. "There's nothing wrong with her!" Wiig's mom repeatedly shrieks. 

As the sketch progresses, however, it becomes clear that the Cancer energy is not emanating from any of the moms, but from Hader's cheerful, patient host–patient, that is, until the Lightning Round, when Hader grabs Faris' arm. "You're hurting my arm," Faris protests. "Who's gonna believe you?" Hader snaps, in a moment that genuinely shocks the audience, before returning to his placid host persona. Perhaps not the most flattering of Cancer depictions, but Cancer energy nonetheless.

Big Leo energy abounds in 2018's "Diner Lobster," the first in comedian and former "Saturday Night Live" writer John Mulaney's series of New York City-centric mini-musicals. Leo is by far the most dramatic and theatrical of the Zodiac signs, a celebrity in their own mind who likes it best when things get big and emotions get messy. Like the symbolic lion, a Leo is courageous and prideful in all things, whether it's embarking on a new romance or refusing to budge when everyone questions their decision to order lobster at a diner.

Pete Davidson's patron decides on a whim to order the lobster, an item on the menu that no one in their right mind would ever select at a diner. "The word 'seafood' is in quotes!" his friend Chris Redd protests. But Davidson stands firm in his unusual request. His Leo energy is met with Leo energy in kind, as the diner transforms into a crustacean-themed production of "Les Misérables" starring the condemned lobster (Kenan Thompson), his young lobster child "Clawsette" (Kate McKinnon), and Mulaney's waiter. Over the course of the sketch, the diner's kitchen staff emerge as the French commoners fighting for freedom — or rather, fighting for Davidson to not order the lobster. 

At the end of the show's "surprisingly good production values," Davidson relents. "I'll have the veal instead."

Though they are neighbors on the calendar, Leos and Virgos could not be more different, with Leo's flair for drama clashing fundamentally with Virgo's orderly attention to detail. If you are a Virgo, you know what you like, and you know how you like it. Systematic and practical, the old phrase "A place for everything, and everything in its place" could be your motto. That fussiness can rub some people the wrong way, though.

A few years before "Delicious Dish," "SNL" parodied public television cooking shows with the recurring sketch "Anal Retentive Chef," starring Phil Hartman as the titular chef whose need for order in his kitchen borders on pathological. Hartman's chef was hilariously frustrating on his own, stuck on details like a piece of chopped pepper being the wrong size and wrapping garbage up twice before throwing it away. But the sketches came to life when partnered with someone else, as in this 1989 installment starring host John Goodman as a Paul Prudhomme-style Cajun chef. Paul's every boisterous step in the kitchen horrifies Hartman, from his unwillingness to provide exact measurements to his spitting into the stockpot as his Cajun auntie used to do. 

The conflict in their temperaments finally boils over (pun intended), and Goodman "cleans up" by sweeping everything on the stovetop onto the floor to cathartic audience applause. Hartman takes a beat and adds quietly, "Well, that's not the way I would have done it."

The scales of Libra value symmetry and balance above all else. High-minded, intellectual, an aesthete — if you are a Libra, these are badges you wear proudly, but pretentiously. You don't want to alienate people with your tasteful preferences; at heart, you are a people-pleaser. There is perhaps no popular filmmaker working today who brings as much Libra energy to his work as Wes Anderson, whose literally symmetrical and often twee style is ripe for a "Saturday Night Live" parody.

In 2013 the show produced "Wes Anderson Horror Trailer," a filmed piece that took Anderson's mannered, precious style and applied it to a home invasion thriller called "The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruders." Host Edward Norton does a surprisingly accurate impersonation of Anderson muse Owen Wilson, with cast members Jay Pharoah, Noël Wells, and Kate McKinnon are on hand as Danny Glover, Gwenyth Paltrow, and Tilda Swinton, respectively. 

The sketch lovingly skewers the director's most recognizable tics, from the cheerful Simon & Garfunkel soundtrack to Alec Baldwin (as himself) reprising his "The Royal Tenenbaums" narrator role, to a "Fantastic Mr. Fox"-style stop-motion mouse brandishing a bloody meat cleaver. All of it is executed with an attention to detail that is itself a tribute to Anderson's indelible style, the kind of parody that can only be done by true fans.

Very few "Saturday Night Live" sketches key into the mysterious and alluring energy of a Scorpio. The sign is often associated with sexuality and not without cause, as the Scorpio craves not just physical pleasure, but emotional intimacy. Sketch comedy, as a rule, isn't particularly sexy, even on a television show like "SNL" that's usually full of attractive, charismatic actors. Every so often a moment of sincere, no-fooling sexiness will slip through, as when the audience spontaneously wolf-whistled at Alec Baldwin dressed as a cowboy in 1990. Most of the time, though, sexiness in comedy is placed in quotation marks, a distant second priority to making the audience laugh.

But sometimes there's a sketch where the sexiness and the comedy are one and the same, as in the Scorpio-drenched 2021 sketch "Parent-Teacher Conference." The setup is simple: A couple played by Kyle Mooney and Ego Nwodim are attending a meeting with their son's elementary school teacher (host and former cast member Jason Sudeikis). A compliment or two between Sudeikis and Nwodim soon turns into a surprisingly intense flirtation. The key to the humor is the committed performances and strong chemistry between Sudeikis and Nwodim. 

The Scorpio energy throughout the sketch ultimately leaves the audience as flustered as Mooney's tossed-aside husband, who sees what is happening between them but is powerless to stop it.

Sometimes finding the right "SNL" sketch for one's zodiac sign can be difficult; other times, the show goes ahead and gives you a sketch centered around a centaur, the symbol of Sagittarius. In this sketch from 2001, a centaur played by Chris Parnell interviews for a chief resident position at a teaching hospital. He appears to be eminently qualified and a nice enough fellow, but the only thing his interviewer (Christopher Walken) wants to talk about is the ins and outs of being a centaur. He is especially interested in centaur sexual proclivity, bathroom habits, and whether or not a centaur would need a little horse riding atop him if he were to enter himself in the Kentucky Derby.

There is a greater Sagittarius connection here than just the presence of a centaur, though. The fact that Parnell's half-man, half-horse is a doctor, a seeker of knowledge and wisdom, fits well within the Sagittarians' intellectual curiosity. So too, for that matter, does Walken's obtrusive and likely offensive line of questioning. A charitable reading of the interview is that Walken is trying to further his knowledge and learn about a subculture and a species that is not his own. However, his flat rejection of Parnell's candidacy at the end of the sketch, where he says, "I'm sorry, we don't hire dirty centaurs," suggests a limit to his curiosity.

There are two sides to a Capricorn. Traditionally symbolized by a half-goat, half-fish, Capricorns are known to be orderly, punctual, and generally hard-working. However, in the tarot tradition, they are symbolized by a goat-headed devil. This shows that there is a secret, mischievous side to even the most staid, rule-abiding Capricorn.

So it goes with the 2016 filmed piece "A Girl's Halloween," about a trio of women (Aidy Bryant, Vanessa Bayer, and Cecily Strong) whose plans for a fun, no-drama Halloween go horribly awry. True to Capricorn's nature, the sketch's structure makes excellent use of time, cutting from the beginning of the night, showing the three primping for a lowkey, sober night on the town, to its debauched aftermath and back again. Like clockwork, every one of their promises to themselves or each other at the start of the night gets broken by morning light. These promises include Bayer being totally cool that she's the cheese in their cat-and-mouse costume theme ("Why did you make me be the cheese?" she sobs later) to Strong telling them that she's not going to drink (smash cut to her drunkenly throwing up on their pizza). 

In the end, though, the night proves to be a success, with both of the Capricorn's dual natures satisfied.

Because of its name, Aquarius is often mistaken for a water sign when, in fact, it is an air sign concerned with intelligence, sociability, and curiosity. Aquarians are not water creatures but water bearers; from them flow streams of knowledge, life, and hope upon the earth. Aquarius stands above the world, not the source of its healing waters but simply its messenger, determined to make the world a better place. Sounds a bit like a fella by the name of Bill Brasky.

The "Brasky's Buddies" sketch made its first appearance on "SNL" in 1996. Each iteration of the sketch follows the same basic pattern. A group of ruddy-faced salesmen (Will Ferrell, David Koechner, and usually a ringer like Alec Baldwin or John Goodman) sit at an airport bar or a little league game, comically large drinks in hand, and wax poetic about fellow salesmen Bill Brasky. To hear them tell it, Brasky is a literal giant of a man who baptizes babies in scotch and will eat a homeless person if you dare him. 

When Paul Rudd hosted in 2013, his "Anchorman" co-stars Ferrell and Koechner stopped by to revive the Brasky gang. Brasky's tall tales are consistently hilarious, but the key to each sketch is when one of the sloshed salesmen will pause a Brasky story to reveal a terrible truth about themselves. For these men, Bill Brasky is an inspiration, an aspiration, and possibly the only thing that keeps them going. His water might be whiskey, but Bill Brasky is above all an Aquarian.

Pisces is the final sign of the Zodiac calendar and, as such, has absorbed the lessons of all the signs who came before. Symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, Pisces exists in the psychic and material realms simultaneously, creating marvelous empathy but also risking delusions and denial when the material world proves a bit too much to take.

A particularly Piscean combination of empathy, delusion, and clairvoyance marks Tom Schiller's 1978 short film "Don't Look Back in Anger." Schiller was a writer on the show during its first five years, and then again for a stretch in the late 1980s. His absurdist yet poignant "Schiller's Reel" filmed sketches featured several "SNL" stars who would die too young, including Gilda Radner, Chris Farley, Jan Hooks, and Phil Hartman. "Don't Look Back in Anger" features the ironic sight of an aged John Belushi visiting the "Not Ready for Primetime Cemetery," where all the original "SNL" cast members but he are buried. 

The sketch itself acknowledges that Belushi's hedonistic lifestyle marked him as the most likely cast member to die first, and the entire premise is a dark inside joke. Still, after Belushi's untimely death in 1982, the sketch took on a ghostly poignancy, as if catching a glimpse of a future that was never to be. The wizened Belushi asks himself why he was the one to outlive them all; then, with a twinkle in his eye, perhaps remembering that Pisces rules the feet, answers his own question — "I'll tell you why. Because I'm a dancer!" — and joyously dances atop his friends' graves.