The AHS: Double Feature Character You Are Based On Your Zodiac Sign
The "American Horror Story" cinematic universe exists to make you scream. Whether you watch for stomach-churning scares, killer one-liners, or simply to see Evan Peters sing "Magic Man" in drag, the world of "AHS" has something sick and twisted in store for all of its fans. Season 10 is no exception. It even doubles your fun. "American Horror Story: Double Feature" is split into two story arcs, with both stories acting as their own limited-series creature feature.
"Red Tide" is a vampire story about the price we pay for greatness. It's set in Cape Cod's Provincetown in winter, and uses a color palette full of weathered grays and rust-colored blood to let us know this ain't summertime and the livin' is not easy. "Death Valley" is an exploration of our dependence on technology, framed by a tale of alien invasion and government conspiracy. Its sequences are in shot in stylish black and white or modern color to help you keep track of who doomed the human race, and when.
Many familiar faces from the "AHS" repertory cast return for "Double Feature." Fresh blood joins the usual suspects to chew the scenery — and each other's necks. We know the cast's chemistry is so good, it seems written in the stars. But the double cast of characters provides even more cosmic opportunities for fans. Read below to discover your "AHS: Double Feature" zodiac sign ... if you dare!
Aries: Ursula Khan
You're ferocious, you're fierce, and you don't suffer fools — just like Ursula Khan in "Red Tide." Whether it's friend, foe, or some goth rando singing "Islands in the Stream" during dinner, if someone gets in your way, you get them out of it. Fast. Then you get to work. You know exactly what you want and you fight for it with lethal confidence. You're terrifyingly capable and shrewd.
While you would never sell your own soul for success, you're happy to help clients make their own deals with the devil. Then you take ten percent! Black pills are your happy pills, as long as they keep your underlings churning out art for art's true purpose: paying for your new mansions. So what if these artists now feast on the blood of newborns and poor people to survive? Don't pro athletes drink protein shakes? Respect the process.
Sure, some clients might discover they're talentless. But they don't need a pill to find that out. You'll tell them yourself. The truth hurts, but wasting your time hurts more, and it's hard not to be harsh when you're this direct. It's part of your warrior nature. You always fight for what makes the most sense — to you. People need to get on board, or start wandering the streets in search of blood. Life is a battlefield, and Aries can be a beloved general ... or a Hollywood agent army of one.
Taurus: Theta
There's no accounting for taste. But if there was, your account would be in the black. You are an elegant creature who appreciates the finest specimens in life when it comes to clothes, furnishings, and alien-human hybrids. But it's not just shiny objects that catch your giant eye — it's people, too. You never know which humans might give birth to the new world order, but with care and dedication, you know you will find them. You share an astrological sign with the most industrious alien in "Death Valley": Theta.
Just like Theta, you're pragmatic and practical. You see the world clearly and seek to cultivate your place in it. You know your little corner of Area 51 can be a cruel place, and you make harsh reality a little cozier with creature comforts for yourself and your captives. You nurture everyone with warmth and keen alien eyes for detail. Your caring nature can't be denied. Seriously — if it is, you might spill literal blood. Same if any of your usual routines are disrupted.
Is your tendency to cling to habit and obsess over results an unfortunate side effect of your reliable, steadfast nature? Or does it represent a deeply repressed bloodlust activated by your hatred of change? Who's to say? All we know is if you've exploded a head in rage once, you're bound to do it again — but since you're a Taurus like Theta, you'll explode those heads in class and style.
Gemini: Doris Gardner
Much like Doris Gardner of "Red Tide," you find yourself passionately interested in all the directions life can take. You are a dynamic force of nature, whether taking care of your family or spearheading an adventure into the wild unknown (specifically off-season Cape Cod). You are a social butterfly, but a bulldog when it comes to protecting those you love ... unless, of course, protection poses a mild inconvenience to you and your blossoming interior decorating career.
Party poopers are not welcome in your (possibly haunted) home, unless you're the one doing the party pooping. You get called moody, but it's only because your brain works overtime having so many great ideas. Tone-on-tone accent walls are gonna be a thing, mark your words! You have so many ideas at once, you often find yourself switching gears.
Inside us all are two wolves; you are just torn apart by yours more than most. You should escape your murderous new neighbors, unless you get a good deal on decorative knickknacks at the general store. You should support your husband's career ... or leave town before he and his new friends drain your blood, then write award-winning TV about it. You can spend your days becoming an interior design influencer, or you can stalk the night and feast on the blood of innocents. There's always a choice to be made. You, Doris, and all Geminis must constantly flip between which one is best — at least until the pale people get you.
Cancer: Tuberculosis Karen
You're a hater with a heart of gold. Do you regularly scream obscenities down at the market? Sure. Do you frequently curse your hometown for its failings? Yes. Have you stolen at least one baby? Of course you have. But you've done all of these things because you care — just like the most misunderstood monster of "Red Tide," Tuberculosis Karen.
You have a tender soul wrapped in a puffy coat of defense mechanisms. You are intuitive and loyal. You care deeply for others, and grow frustrated when they don't care for themselves. Sometimes people don't see what's good for them, even when you're screaming the truth about vampire artists eating right in their faces. That's when you break out your snappy little claws to give some fool a pinch — or, in the case of slow learners like Mickey, a snip to the jugular.
They say one person's trash is another's treasure, and your sentimentality makes this extremely true for you. You find it hard to let things go if they hold emotional significance (and also because you have an unhealthy commitment to trash). You put others before yourself all the time, but you deserve care too — which is hard to admit for Cancers like you and Tuberculosis Karen. Try treating yourself to some of your own deep understanding next time you find yourself between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Leo: P-Town
The category is Queen Bee and you are serving LOOKS. All of them are fabulous. All of them burn with the power of a thousand suns. You warm your adoring fans with life-giving rays, then eventually scorch them to death, leaving nothing behind but an icy beach littered with the bones of those foolish enough to put their faith in you. That's right, baby: You share a sign with the server of "AHS: Double Feature" zodiac ruler realness itself, P-Town.
Resort town by summer and nightmare screamscape by winter, you and Provincetown are home to many seasons. You both bask in the devotion and admiration of everyone around you. Artists, sharks, beach babes — you inspire them all. They inspire you, too. You feed off creative energy and party vibes. Can you be vengeful? Sure. You're sorry for providing such a harsh home to pale people and the pesky wealth disparity that helped create a drug epidemic. But that's winter for you. In the summer, everything is a ball!
As long as your public is loyal to you, you're loyal to them. You give the gift of inspiration, so long as they give you eternal worship, skyrocketing home payments, and the odd blood sacrifice. Forget the black pills, P-Town is the true muse. As Leos, you and P-Town are creators and destroyers of true party energy. You're always ready to roar.
Virgo: Kendall Carr
You live to serve. Whether helping a friend through a breakup, or another friend through the rollercoaster ride of new love, you love to support your loved ones. You do this by being the big brain mature one of your group. You endlessly supply fun and helpful facts about stuff you learn from books and hot but obnoxious (and inappropriate) professors. This is because your sign matches up with Kendall Carr from "Death Valley."
Like Kendall, you are highly intelligent, disciplined, and curious. You are also quick to commit to ideas that interest you, even if they could lead to your doom. Being a modern-day Luddite? Yes, please. Alien pregnancy and kidnapping? Sure. What's next? You also place a premium on being thorough in all things. You must be wary of the devil in the details. Focusing too much on the little things may keep you from seeing the forest for the trees — or, in this case, the alien conspiracy for the mutilated cows.
You are a dedicated friend and student of life. (Some might say too dedicated.) Maybe next time a friend is sucked out of the car by an alien ship, keep your mouth shut, head home, and listen to a fascinating podcast about space. If you don't learn how to study the world's problems without overburdening yourself with the mandate to solve them, you might end up just like fellow Virgo Kendall: your head will literally explode.
Libra: Dwight Eisenhower
You are the coolest of cucumbers. Charming, generous, and harmonious are your watchwords; if there is a flow, you will go with it, even if it means selling the souls of the American people to a group of aliens from outer space in exchange for microwave technology. If this sounds like you, then you know you're aligned with "Death Valley" major player Dwight Eisenhower.
You don't like to rock the boat, because you know when it comes to boats, they're better on top of the water. You made the right decision when you traded away life on Earth for top-secret zip-zaps. Right? The truth is, for being such a great team player, you are personally plagued with indecision. You struggle to commit to the "right" choice, because conflict is your worst fear. Now it's neck-and-neck with aliens who explode a bunch of people's heads.
Heavy weighs the head that wears the crown, and there are few heads heavier (or steadier) than yours. Whether facing personal hardship or the destruction of life on Earth as we know it, you remain calm and collected in times of trouble. You keep your worries to yourself. This could be your ruin. Next time you're feeling unsure or worried about a choice, phone a friend — just not one who will blow your head off, or a fellow Libra. When it comes to making a decision, they're in the same (sinking) boat that you are.
Scorpio: Belle Noir
Passion is your poison. You want your highs high, your lows low, and your karaoke nights full of power duets from yesteryear. You love drama, romance, and making everyone hate your guts. You burn hotter than a mood-setting candle at the karaoke bar. You know life is for the living — and a select few living-adjacent. Does any of this sound like you? Well, you're aligned with Belle Noir.
For the sort-of undead, you're positively bursting with life. You are potent, powerful, and intense — whether you're choosing a song to sing with whichever partner holds your favor, or selecting a snack to drain of its blood. You're an artist, but not a starving one. In fact, you love to play with your food ... until it starts trying to play with you. Then you enlist whatever minions are handy to help you take care of business. It's so tedious to be interrupted from your regularly scheduled programming (writing, murder, romance, karaoke) to have to tend to obligatory murder. Such a vibe-killer.
You're a simple creature, really. Fine things please you (velvet, goth boys, karaoke), and boring things (hacks, children, people who don't like karaoke) invite your wrath. You're here for a good time and a long time, and you won't let anyone stop you from enjoying both. No one can resist a Scorpio, or keep a Scorpio down. But they wouldn't be living, dear, unless they tried.
Sagittarius: Austin Sommers
You'd kill to have a good time. Adventure and fun are the main prizes in your life. You'll always roll the dice if you can bet on joy — and if a killer karaoke night's at stake. And speaking of stakes, you'll stake anyone who threatens to harsh your party vibe, because you're aligned with P-Town's very own drag queen turned killer king, Austin Sommers.
When it comes to your own pursuit of happiness, you and Austin risk big. Your gambles always pay off, and on the rare occasion they don't, you simply reinvent yourself and try again. It's worked so far: You started from the bottom and now you're here, skulking around a metaphorical resort town in winter, feeding on the people on the fringes, so you can make commercially successful art about it all. You always have a song in your heart and blood on your hands. But really, what true artist doesn't?
If you could give anyone advice, you would ask them to ask themselves what makes their soul hungry — and then get to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Who knows, maybe your efforts will win you a couple Tonys. At the very least, they'll win you the belle of the karaoke ball. You work best with a more mature, stable partner, because like your Sagittarius kin, you and Austin are prone to flights of fancy. If you wait to focus up on your own, it might be too little, too late for you.
Capricorn: Chief Burleson
You're in it to win it, whatever it is. Even when you purposely tell yourself you're taking a vacation from winning, all you do is win. But sometimes if you play scary games, you win scary prizes. Winner winner, blood-feast dinner. You are Chief Burleson.
Dedicated. Disciplined. Goal-oriented. Focused. Reliable. Ambitious. Loyal. Hear that? So far there are no skips on your adjective list. There were no skips on Chief Burleson's career, either. She was supposed to move into the good life in P-town — and she would have, if she'd only had the good sense to leave well enough alone. But like you, she could never leave well enough alone. Just like you, she smelled a rat. And when you smell a rat, you keep smelling it until you get out there and start figuring out why on earth your nice little town smells like rats.
In P-Town, the rats are a pack of egocentric, blood-thirsty artists and their pale, wack, talentless hack (also vampire) friends. You and Chief Burleson are clever and dedicated, but that's no match for a little vampire who would walk over your corpse to be first chair violin in the L.A. Philharmonic. For all of your positive traits, asking for help is a challenge for you. When you mess with the GOAT, you get the horns — but you and your fellow Capricorn Chief Burleson need backup to make sure the fangs don't get your horns first.
Aquarius: The Aliens
You are a visionary. You defy shape and category. You are sometimes benevolent, sometimes cruel. You are gifted, exuberant, delightful, curious, inexplicable, terrible, wondrous, unique — and quite often a bit rude. You share the stars with the Aliens from "Death Valley."
You are driven by forces that you and the world around you try (and fail) to understand. This delights you, and frustrates those who love you, fear you, and who have heads they hope you don't explode at a moment's whim. Wildly intelligent and playful, yet also powerfully destructive, you and the Aliens from "Death Valley" are hard to pin down. You want good for the world, but you also want whatever you want, whenever you want. Until you change your mind tomorrow. Or today. Or yesterday. When are we? What is time? Why is Steve Jobs being held at Area 51 for eternity? You have an abstract theory to explain the whole thing, but you're too distracted with your latest thought experiments to explain it to anyone right now.
Your intelligence and individualism can create distance between you and those you wish to befriend. Your intelligence and hot-and-cold attention span can come off as an aloof, cold, fickle nature. (The whole "exploding heads" thing doesn't help your case any, either.) While your mind is a vast lunar landscape of possibility, remember to come back down to earth once in awhile. There are people who wish to pick your fascinating Aquarius brain. You might be interested in picking — or exploding — theirs.
Pisces: Mickey
Seek and you shall find. But what is it you're searching for? Personal strength? Spiritual enlightenment? Or a nasty death at the hands of a friend you betrayed for a taste of the supposed good life? Heavy questions to ponder, but ponder you shall. You align with Mickey, the lost, found, and desperately seeking soul of "Red Tide."
You and Mickey cut a romantic, tragic figure. Dreamy, delicious, and sensual, you are a whole vibe. You could be content falling in and out of bed with a variety of pretty, rich dirtbags. You could trust your own talents and create art on your own terms. Or you could continue to be everyone else's emotional support dreamboat, slowly sinking under their weight. The little black pill could be an end to your endless searching. What will you lose if you take it? Should you explore and find out?
The answer, of course, dear Mickey, is HECK NO. Take your little scripts, get thee to your secret script-printing pauper's computer lab, and stop seeking externally for what you can find inside yourself. At the very least, barricade yourself in the karaoke bar until summer, when it's safe to come out. The inner struggle is real, and there is no one it is more painfully, poetically real for than you. But since you and Mickey are cursed with the watery weight of being a Pisces, beware you don't seek your way into a watery, bloody grave.